Read each statement and answer honestly with Yes / Sometimes / No.
There are no right or wrong answers — only information.
Emotional Safety
- Do I feel emotionally safe expressing my thoughts, feelings, or needs?
- When I’m upset, am I listened to rather than dismissed, mocked, or blamed?
- Do disagreements stay respectful, without intimidation or cruelty?
- Do I feel calmer and more grounded over time — not more anxious or confused?
Respect & Equality
- Are my opinions, boundaries, and choices respected even when they differ?
- Is there a balance of power, or do I often feel “less than” or controlled?
- Am I spoken to with basic respect, even during conflict?
- Am I free to say no without fear of punishment or withdrawal?
Boundaries
- Are my boundaries acknowledged and upheld?
- When I set a boundary, is it accepted — not argued, tested, or ignored?
- Do I feel allowed to have privacy, independence, and personal space?
- Am I able to maintain friendships, family connections, and interests?
Trust & Honesty
- Do I trust what my partner says, and do their actions match their words?
- Am I accused of things I haven’t done (lying, cheating, intent to harm)?
- Do I feel I must constantly explain, justify, or defend myself?
- Do I ever feel confused after conversations, unsure what actually happened?
Control & Autonomy
- Do I make my own decisions about money, time, and daily life?
- Am I ever pressured, threatened, or manipulated to comply?
- Has my partner tried to control my finances, movements, or resources?
- Do I feel free — or do I feel managed?
Accountability
- When harm occurs, does my partner take responsibility without deflecting?
- Are apologies followed by real change?
- Or do the same behaviours repeat, with excuses or blame shifting?
Impact on You
- Since this relationship began, do I feel more confident — or diminished?
- Has my self-esteem grown, or eroded?
- Do I feel like myself — or a smaller, quieter version?
- Do I often feel exhausted, hyper-alert, or emotionally numb?
Reflection
- If someone I loved were in this relationship, would I be concerned?
- Do I spend more time managing the relationship than enjoying it?
- Am I staying because of love — or fear, obligation, guilt, or hope it will change?
Quiet Interpretation (Not a Diagnosis)
- Mostly “Yes” → The relationship shows signs of health and safety.
- Many “Sometimes” → There may be unhealthy patterns worth examining.
- Several “No” or strong discomfort answering → These are red flags. Pay attention to them.
A healthy relationship adds to your life.
An abusive one requires you to shrink to survive.
If you’re unsure, confused, or doubting your own perceptions — that uncertainty itself is important information.
