Think of cruelty not as a personality switch, but as a learning loop inside the brain.
Stage 1: Initial Threat → Control Response
Brain state: Stress + insecurity
- The person feels:
- threatened
- shamed
- powerless
- dysregulated
- The nervous system searches for regulation
- A controlling or hurtful act is used to:
- stop anxiety
- regain dominance
- silence discomfort
🧠 Neural activity
- Amygdala (threat) is high
- Prefrontal cortex (reflection) is reduced
- Control briefly restores calm
➡️ Cruelty begins as a regulation strategy, not yet a pleasure source.
Stage 2: Relief Reinforcement
Brain state: “That worked”
- After harming, humiliating, or dominating:
- anxiety drops
- tension releases
- calm returns
- The brain links:“Their distress = my relief”
🧠 Neural activity
- Dopamine is released
- The behaviour is tagged as rewarding
- Learning circuits encode the pattern
➡️ Cruelty becomes reinforced, even if still justified as “necessary.”
Stage 3: Empathy Suppression
Brain state: Emotional narrowing
- Repeated harm requires emotional disengagement
- Empathy becomes an obstacle to reward
- The brain adapts by:
- dulling emotional resonance
- dehumanising the other person
- reframing harm as deserved
🧠 Neural activity
- Empathy networks (insula, anterior cingulate) weaken
- Mirror neuron responsiveness decreases
- Cognitive rationalisation increases
➡️ The person feels less—and needs more intensity to register anything.
Stage 4: Tolerance & Escalation
Brain state: Desensitisation
- Previous levels of cruelty no longer regulate emotion
- The brain demands:
- stronger reactions
- deeper humiliation
- prolonged suffering
- Control must be maintained longer or intensified
🧠 Neural activity
- Dopamine tolerance develops
- Baseline emotional flatness increases
- Escalation restores stimulation
➡️ This is why cruelty often intensifies, not stabilises.
Stage 5: Pleasure Association (Sadistic Shift)
Brain state: Reward dominance
- The person may begin to experience:
- satisfaction
- enjoyment
- calm curiosity
- Harm itself becomes the reward—not just the outcome
🧠 Neural activity
- Reward circuitry activates during others’ pain
- Emotional arousal becomes positively valenced
- Prefrontal inhibition weakens further
➡️ Cruelty is no longer instrumental—it is intrinsic.
Stage 6: Identity Integration
Brain state: Normalisation
- The behaviour is now part of:
- self-concept
- relational style
- moral framework
- The person believes:
- “This is just how I am”
- “People need this”
- “They cause it”
🧠 Neural activity
- Habit loops dominate (basal ganglia)
- Reflective insight is bypassed
- Change feels threatening, not desirable
➡️ Cruelty feels justified, inevitable, even righteous.
⚠️ Why Cruelty Rarely Reverses Spontaneously
Because the brain has learned:
- cruelty regulates emotion
- dominance restores order
- empathy interferes with reward
Without external interruption (loss of access, consequences, enforced boundaries), the brain has no incentive to rewire.
🧩 The Critical Insight
Cruelty escalates because:
The nervous system is being trained.
This is why:
- insight alone fails
- apologies don’t stop repetition
- victims leaving causes panic or rage
- silence destabilises the cruel person
You’re not witnessing “bad moods.”
You’re witnessing conditioned neural behaviour.
