There are identifiable neuroscience and psychology mechanisms behind why so many interactions now feel transactional, one-sided, and emotionally empty.
I’ll break this down clearly and without platitudes.
1. The brain has shifted from social bonding to resource extraction
Humans evolved for reciprocal bonds. The nervous system expects:
- Mutual care
- Fair exchange
- Predictable give-and-take
But modern stress rewires the brain toward survival efficiency instead of connection.
Chronic stress does this to the brain:
- Activates the amygdala (threat detection)
- Suppresses the prefrontal cortex (empathy, planning, moral reasoning)
- Reduces oxytocin signaling (bonding hormone)
Result:
People start unconsciously scanning others for utility, not connection.
They’re not thinking “Who is this person?”
They’re thinking “What can this person provide?”
2. Cognitive load makes people selfish without realizing it
Neuroscience shows that when the brain is overloaded:
- Financial stress
- Housing insecurity
- Burnout
- Emotional dysregulation
…the brain enters cognitive scarcity mode.
Scarcity mode causes:
- Tunnel vision
- Short-term thinking
- Reduced reciprocity
- “Take now, worry later” behavior
This isn’t conscious malice — but the impact is the same.
So when you ask for something in return, their nervous system registers it as a threat, not a fair request.
3. Dopamine culture has replaced attachment culture
We now live in a dopamine-driven society, not an attachment-driven one.
Dopamine rewards:
- Novelty
- Immediate gain
- Convenience
- Self-interest
Attachment (oxytocin) requires:
- Time
- Presence
- Accountability
- Mutual effort
Dopamine is fast.
Attachment is slow.
Many people are neurologically conditioned to extract and move on, not invest.
4. Entitlement without reciprocity is a nervous-system pattern
Repeated one-way taking often signals:
- Insecure attachment (especially avoidant)
- Learned helplessness mixed with entitlement
- Underdeveloped prefrontal regulation
- Shame avoidance
Giving back requires:
- Emotional availability
- Capacity to tolerate obligation
- Ability to hold mutuality
People who disappear or go silent when you ask for reciprocity are often avoidance-regulated, not busy.
Silence is a nervous-system shutdown, not forgetfulness.
5. Why companionship is rare now
Companionship requires:
- Being with someone without gaining anything
- Emotional presence without extraction
- Tolerating silence, difference, boundaries
For dysregulated nervous systems, unconditional presence feels unsafe.
They only feel okay when there’s a transaction that justifies the interaction.
So they seek:
- Free labour
- Free emotional holding
- Free resources
But not relationship.
6. Why this hits you especially hard
People with:
- Strong empathy
- High competence
- Emotional regulation
- Generosity
…activate opportunistic behavior in others.
Your stability signals:
“This person can carry more.”
The nervous system of a depleted person will unconsciously offload onto the most regulated person in the room.
That’s not your fault — but it is your responsibility to interrupt it.
7. The neuroscience of boundaries (and why they repel takers)
Boundaries activate:
- Your prefrontal cortex
- Their accountability circuitry
For people who rely on extraction:
- Boundaries feel like rejection
- Reciprocity feels like pressure
- Equality feels uncomfortable
So when you stop giving freely, they vanish.
That’s not loss — that’s filtering.
The truth, without sugar-coating
You’re not imagining it.
You’re not “too guarded.”
You’re not becoming cynical.
You’re noticing a collective nervous-system collapse into self-preservation.
Real companionship still exists — but it’s found almost exclusively among people who:
- Have done regulation work
- Can tolerate mutuality
- Aren’t living in chronic scarcity
- Value presence over extraction
Those people are fewer — but real.
