A Neuroscience & Psychology Perspective
Many people notice a puzzling pattern on social media and in real life:
When you’re struggling, sharing pain, or “not doing well,” engagement pours in.
When you’re healing, happy, confident, or visibly thriving—attention drops off.
This is not accidental, and it is not about your worth.
1. The Brain Is Wired to Notice Threat and Distress
From a neuroscience perspective, the human brain evolved to prioritize threat, danger, and suffering over safety and success.
- The amygdala (fear and threat detection center) activates more strongly to distressing information than positive news.
- Negative or painful stories trigger higher emotional arousal, which keeps attention locked in.
- This is known as negativity bias—bad news sticks, good news fades.
So when someone posts about hardship, trauma, or crisis, it literally captures more brain bandwidth than joy or stability.
2. Struggle Creates Emotional Access — Success Creates Comparison
Psychologically, struggle invites empathy without threat.
- When someone is suffering, others feel safe offering sympathy.
- When someone is thriving, it can trigger unconscious comparison:
- “Why are they doing well?”
- “Why am I not there?”
- “What does this say about me?”
This activates the brain’s social comparison circuitry, which can produce discomfort, envy, or shame—even if the person would never admit it.
Rather than sitting with that discomfort, many people disengage.
3. Some People Bond Through Pain, Not Growth
There is a lesser-discussed psychological dynamic called trauma-bonded relating.
- Some relationships are built on shared struggle, crisis, or rescuing roles.
- When one person heals or starts to shine, the bond destabilizes.
- The nervous systems are no longer “in sync.”
Growth can feel like abandonment to people who are still stuck in survival mode.
4. Social Media Algorithms Reinforce This Pattern
Platforms reward content that triggers:
- Outrage
- Fear
- Shock
- Emotional intensity
Posts about pain often receive more interaction early, which signals the algorithm to push them further.
Calm joy, steady success, or quiet happiness does not trigger the same dopamine-driven engagement loops.
This creates the illusion that people care more about suffering—when in fact, systems amplify it.
5. Healing Changes Your Nervous System — and Your Audience
When you are healing:
- Your stress hormones decrease
- Your self-regulation improves
- Your presence becomes calmer, more grounded
Ironically, this can feel “less exciting” to people who are used to chaos, drama, or emotional intensity.
Your nervous system has changed.
Not everyone’s can follow.
6. This Is Not Rejection — It’s Differentiation
Psychologically healthy growth always involves loss of audience.
- Some people were attached to your pain, not your person.
- Some were comfortable when you were smaller.
- Some could empathize—but not celebrate.
That does not mean you are doing something wrong.
It means you are doing something right.
The Quiet Truth
People who truly value you:
- Can sit with your pain and
- Celebrate your joy without shrinking, competing, or disappearing
Those people may be fewer—but they are real.
And when engagement drops as you shine, it is often a sign that:
You’ve outgrown the nervous systems, not the worth, of your audience.
