What Are Mirror Neurons?
Mirror neurons are brain cells that activate both when you perform an action and when you observe someone else doing it.
They also activate when you see:
- facial expressions
- emotional reactions
- pain
- joy
- distress
This system helps your brain simulate what another person is experiencing.
In simple terms:
Mirror neurons are the foundation of natural, automatic empathy.
When Mirror Neuron Activity Is Reduced
People with reduced mirror-neuron activation:
- do not automatically register emotional cues
- don’t “feel” the impact of their behaviour on others
- struggle to pick up subtle signals like tone, facial tension, or anxiety
- often interpret emotional communication as pressure or inconvenience
This leads to psychological patterns like:
- low empathy
- emotional detachment
- prioritising their own needs
- inability to respond to distress in others
- dismissive or avoidant relationship styles
How This Shows Up in Relationships
1. Little awareness of emotional impact
They genuinely don’t pick up that their silence, indecision, or distance hurts you — unless you spell it out.
2. They perceive emotional needs as “demands”
Because they don’t feel the emotional resonance inside themselves, your needs feel like pressure rather than connection.
3. Difficulty with intimacy
Intimacy requires emotional attunement, but low mirror-neuron activation makes attunement feel unnatural or even threatening.
4. Lack of guilt or remorse
Not because they are cruel, but because:
- the emotional consequence doesn’t “land”
- they don’t internally mirror your hurt
So they may appear cold, selfish, inconsistent, or uncaring.
Neuroscience Behind This
Reduced mirror-neuron activity is often associated with:
- avoidant attachment styles
- narcissistic traits (not necessarily disorders)
- alexithymia (difficulty reading emotions)
- chronic stress or trauma blocking empathy circuits
- high focus on self-protection / self-preservation
In these brains:
- The prefrontal cortex may prioritise logic, self-interest, or avoidance.
- The amygdala may misinterpret closeness as threat.
- The insula (which processes internal emotional states) may be underactive.
This combination leads to emotional distance and relational inconsistency.
Why This Causes Dismissive Behaviour
When someone doesn’t naturally mirror your feelings:
- your sadness doesn’t evoke compassion
- your anxiety doesn’t evoke reassurance
- your joy doesn’t evoke shared excitement
So they:
- minimize your needs
- respond slowly or inconsistently
- choose what suits them, not what supports you
- avoid emotional conversations
- act indifferent to your pain
Not because they don’t understand “logically,”
but because they don’t feel it physiologically.
What This Means for You
If you’ve been with someone like this:
- you probably worked twice as hard to feel seen
- your emotional needs may have been dismissed
- inconsistency may have felt like your fault
- your nervous system stayed in fight-or-flight
Healthy partners don’t make you fight for empathy.
Their brain naturally attunes to yours.
