Here’s a self-reflection guide with questions to help you assess whether you might exhibit co-dependent patterns. These are grounded in psychology and behavioral science. Answer honestly, in a non-judgmental way — this is for self-awareness, not diagnosis.
Self-Assessment Questions: Am I Co-Dependent?
1. Relationship Dynamics
Do I feel responsible for other people’s feelings, problems, or happiness?
Do I often prioritize others’ needs above my own, even to my own detriment?
Do I stay in relationships that feel emotionally draining, fearful, or unhealthy because I feel obligated to help?
Do I have trouble saying “no” without feeling guilty or anxious?
2. Emotional Regulation
Do I feel anxious, guilty, or panicked when someone I care about is upset?
Do I often internalize blame for conflicts or problems in relationships?
Do I experience frequent stress or hypervigilance around partners, friends, or family?
3. Self-Identity and Self-Worth
Do I derive my sense of self-esteem primarily from approval, praise, or acknowledgment from others?
Do I struggle to define or pursue my own goals, values, or interests independently of others?
Do I feel “lost” or empty when I’m alone or not needed by someone?
4. Patterns in Relationships
Have I been repeatedly drawn to partners or friends who are emotionally unavailable, controlling, or high-conflict?
Do I feel a compulsion to “fix” others, even when they haven’t asked for help?
Do I tolerate manipulation, dishonesty, or abuse because I hope to help or change the person?
5. Boundaries
Do I find it difficult to enforce personal boundaries?
Do I feel anxious, guilty, or rejected when asserting limits?
Do I compromise my physical, emotional, or financial well-being to avoid conflict?
6. Coping and Self-Care
Do I neglect my own needs for rest, health, or emotional support to care for others?
Do I feel resentful or exhausted but continue patterns anyway?
Do I rely on the relationship as my main source of validation or identity?
Interpreting Your Answers
Mostly “Yes” answers → Strong indication of co-dependent tendencies.
Some “Yes” answers → Partial co-dependency; patterns may appear situationally.
Mostly “No” answers → Likely healthy relational patterns, but remain mindful of boundary enforcement.
Next Steps
Self-Awareness: Keep a journal of patterns and emotions.
Neuroscience-Informed Practices: Mindfulness, self-care routines, and reflection strengthen PFC control and reduce amygdala-driven anxiety.
Therapeutic Support: A therapist trained in relational trauma, family dynamics, or co-dependency can help you rewire attachment and reward circuits.
Boundary Training: Practice saying “no,” self-validation, and maintaining autonomy in small, safe steps.
Healthy Relationships: Surround yourself with supportive, emotionally mature individuals to retrain attachment and reward pathways.
Co-Dependency Self-Assessment Scoring System
Instructions
Answer each question honestly using the scale:
0 = Never
1 = Rarely
2 = Sometimes
3 = Often
4 = Always
Total your points at the end to get an overall indication of co-dependent tendencies.
1. Relationship Dynamics
Question
Score (0–4)
I feel responsible for other people’s happiness or emotional state.
I prioritize others’ needs above my own, even at my own expense.
I stay in unhealthy or emotionally draining relationships out of obligation.
I find it hard to say “no” without guilt or anxiety.
2. Emotional Regulation
Question
Score (0–4)
I feel anxious or panicked when someone I care about is upset.
I often blame myself for conflicts or problems in relationships.
I experience constant stress or hypervigilance around partners, friends, or family.
3. Self-Identity and Self-Worth
Question
Score (0–4)
My self-esteem depends on others’ approval or acknowledgment.
I struggle to pursue my own goals or interests independently.
I feel “lost” or empty when I’m not needed by someone.
4. Patterns in Relationships
Question
Score (0–4)
I am repeatedly drawn to emotionally unavailable or high-conflict partners/friends.
I feel compelled to “fix” others, even when they haven’t asked for help.
I tolerate manipulation, dishonesty, or abuse in hopes of helping or changing someone.
5. Boundaries
Question
Score (0–4)
I find it difficult to enforce personal boundaries.
I feel anxious or guilty when asserting limits.
I compromise my well-being to avoid conflict.
6. Coping and Self-Care
Question
Score (0–4)
I neglect my own needs (health, rest, emotions) to care for others.
I feel resentful or exhausted but continue patterns anyway.
I rely on relationships as my main source of validation or identity.
Scoring Interpretation
0–24: Low co-dependent tendencies; generally healthy relational patterns.
25–49: Moderate co-dependency; patterns may appear situationally or intermittently.
50–72: High co-dependency; strong tendencies that may require conscious strategies and support.
73–96: Very high co-dependency; persistent patterns likely affecting emotional, relational, and possibly physical well-being. Professional guidance strongly recommended.
Next Steps Based on Score
Low (0–24): Maintain boundaries and self-care practices.
Moderate (25–49): Begin conscious boundary-setting, journaling, and mindfulness; monitor patterns.
High (50–72): Engage in therapy or support groups; implement structured self-care, autonomy-building, and social support strategies.
Very High (73–96): Seek immediate professional support; develop a detailed plan for emotional independence, boundaries, and trauma-informed interventions.
