That is a very common and deeply harmful dynamic in cases of gender-based violence. When family or friends prioritize reputation, image, or “keeping the peace” over your safety, it adds a layer of secondary abuse and isolation. Here’s a breakdown of what’s happening and why it’s damaging:
🔹 What’s happening
- Pressure to stay silent – You may be told things like:
- “Don’t cause a scene.”
- “Think of the family’s reputation.”
- “You’ll embarrass everyone.”
- Minimization or denial – Your experience is downplayed:
- “It’s not that bad.”
- “He didn’t mean it.”
- Blaming the victim indirectly – Suggesting that reporting will create more problems:
- “You’ll just make him angry.”
- “You’re overreacting.”
- Covering up – Family/friends may intervene in ways that protect the abuser, such as discouraging police involvement or withholding evidence.
🔹 Why it’s harmful
- Isolation – You feel alone and doubt your own perception of events.
- Delayed protection – Interventions from authorities or support services may be blocked or delayed.
- Reinforced abuse – The abuser benefits from the silence and lack of consequences.
- Psychological impact – Leads to guilt, shame, confusion, and trauma.
🔹 Healthy ways to handle this
- Prioritize your safety over others’ image – Your life and wellbeing come first.
- Seek professional guidance – Contact police, social services, or organizations like:
- Spain: Delegación del Gobierno contra la Violencia de Género
- Teléfono de la Mujer: 016 (free, confidential, 24/7)
- Document evidence privately – Keep photos, messages, medical reports, receipts, and any records of abuse in a safe place.
- Find supportive allies – Friends, colleagues, or professionals who validate your experience rather than focus on image.
- Set boundaries with discouraging family/friends – You can assert:
- “I appreciate your concern, but my safety is my priority.”
💡 Insight: Families who discourage reporting are often acting out of fear or shame themselves, not concern for your welfare. Their reaction does not invalidate your experience or your right to protection.
