Because Moses didn’t prepare us for modern relationships, so someone had to.
1. Thou shalt not date a man who is “sleeping on his friend’s sofa”
This is not independence.
This is emotional camping.
A truly separated man has his own space — no matter how humble.
Even a tiny flat with one fork counts.
2. Thou shalt beware of the man who says “It’s complicated”
Complicated is code for:
- no plan
- no timeline
- no accountability
- no emotional closure
And your prefrontal cortex deserves better.
3. Thou shalt listen when he speaks of his ex — for it reveals his soul (and his limbic system)
Healthy: “We both grew, we both learned.”
Unhealthy: a 27-minute monologue titled She Ruined My Life and Probably the Economy.
4. Thou shalt not become his emotional crutch, therapist, or unpaid life coach
You are not:
- a trauma intervention plan
- a dopamine stabilizer
- a housing solution
Amen.
5. Thou shalt observe his pace
If he moves faster than your Amazon deliveries, RUN.
Healthy men who are truly separating move like:
“Let’s take this slowly, I want to do this right.”
Unhealthy ones move like they’re fleeing a burning building.
6. Thou shalt demand clarity, specifics, and timelines
If he cannot explain:
- where he lives
- what is happening
- what comes next
His prefrontal cortex isn’t driving — his fear circuitry is.
7. Thou shalt watch for financial chaos
If his money story sounds like:
- a mystery novel
- a tax investigation
- or an episode of CSI: Divorce Files
…this is not your problem to solve.
8. Thou shalt not accept love-bombing as currency
“I’ve never met anyone like you” feels great.
But so does dopamine withdrawal relief.
Healthy separated men show affection steadily.
Not urgently.
Not dramatically.
Not like their life depends on it.
9. Thou shalt check for accountability like a psychologist in sunglasses
A healthy separated man says:
- “I contributed to the breakdown.”
- “I’m learning.”
- “I want to grow.”
An unhealthy one says:
- “All her fault.”
- “I’m perfect.”
- “She’s crazy.”
One of these men is relationship material.
The other is a walking cortisol spike.
10. Thou shalt remember that you cannot build a fresh start on someone else’s unfinished chapter
Neuroscience says the brain needs closure before it can bond healthily.
So do you.
If he’s still:
- grieving
- fighting
- divorcing
- raging
- confused
- homeless
- financially entangled
…he is not ready for a relationship.
He is ready for a transition period, not a partner.
✨ Final Blessing:
May your men be regulated, your boundaries be strong, and may no separated man with a suitcase of chaos cross your doorstep.
By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate — Linda C J Turner Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment ©Linda C J Turner
