“I have someone else” announcement paired with the “If you ever go with anyone else, you’re dead” threat.
This is not normal behaviour.
It is coercive, controlling, and psychologically abusive.
The Psychology Behind It
1. This is classic “One-Rule-for-Me, Another-Rule-for-You” Abuse
People who use coercive control operate from a double standard.
They believe they are entitled to freedom, attention, admiration, or multiple partners — but you must remain loyal, silent, isolated, and available.
This is not about love.
It’s about ownership.
Psychologically, they are saying:
“I can replace you. You cannot replace me.”
This is how abusers protect their ego and maintain dominance.
2. Threats Are a Tool of Control, Not Emotion
The threat — “If you go with someone else, you’re dead” — is not emotional desperation.
It is deliberate intimidation.
This behaviour is typical of people with:
- narcissistic traits
- antisocial tendencies
- jealous coercive control patterns
- trauma-bonding strategies
Threats serve one purpose:
to keep you frightened, uncertain, and dependent.
3. The Girlfriend Announcement Is Meant to Destabilise You
Announcing another woman while you’re still married serves several psychological purposes:
- to shock you
- to emotionally injure you
- to assert power
- to prove they are in control
- to weaken your self-esteem
- to provoke jealousy and compliance
It’s psychological warfare disguised as “honesty.”
The Neuroscience Behind It
1. Your Brain Registers This as Threat, Not Relationship
When someone you know suddenly combines betrayal with violence, your amygdala fires as though faced with physical danger.
This activates:
- adrenaline
- cortisol
- hypervigilance
- freeze/appease responses
Your nervous system enters survival mode, making it harder to think clearly or escape.
That is exactly what the abuser wants.
2. The Abuser’s Brain Is Reward-Driven, Not Empathy-Driven
In individuals who use coercive control, the empathy network is often underactive — especially the medial prefrontal cortex.
Instead, the reward circuitry (nucleus accumbens, ventral striatum) dominates.
They feel a sense of:
- power
- excitement
- superiority
- control
…when they can provoke fear or dependency.
This is why threats flow so easily.
It’s neurobiological dominance behaviour, not love.
3. The Threat Creates a Trauma Bond
When someone hurts you and then acts caring, remorseful, or dependent later, your brain releases oxytocin and dopamine in ways that create confusion and attachment.
This is a trauma bond —
not a relationship, not love, but a neurological trap.
The abuser knows exactly what they’re doing.
4. The Double Signal (Cheating + Threatening) Is Deliberate Nervous System Hijacking
Contradictory messages —
“I have someone else” + “You belong to me forever” —
are designed to create cognitive dissonance, which destabilises your thinking.
A destabilised brain is:
- easier to control
- easier to intimidate
- easier to isolate
- easier to guilt and manipulate
From a neuroscience perspective, this creates a trauma fog that benefits the abuser.
The Core Truth
Someone who announces another woman while threatening your life if you ever move on is not acting from love, longing, or emotional confusion.
They are acting from:
- entitlement
- ownership mentality
- coercive control
- dominance psychology
- a nervous system wired for power, not connection
This behaviour is abusive, dangerous, and deeply manipulative — psychologically and neurologically.
