That question — “Why won’t he just move away?” — is one of the hardest parts of dealing with this kind of person, because the answer isn’t logical. You’re expecting him to think like a healthy adult who wants peace. But psychologically, people who repeatedly violate boundaries don’t seek peace — they seek proximity, power, or emotional control.
Let’s break down what’s going on beneath that behavior, so you can see it clearly and stop taking his choices personally.
🧠 1. His Brain Is Hooked on the Connection — Even Negative Ones
When someone is emotionally dysregulated or obsessive, any form of connection gives them a dopamine surge — even anger, confrontation, or fear.
Your existence has become a neural anchor in his brain’s reward system.
Moving away would mean facing emptiness and withdrawal symptoms similar to addiction.
He’s not staying nearby because of logic or love — he’s staying because his brain can’t tolerate disconnection.
🧩 2. Control Feels Safer to Him Than Freedom
From a psychological perspective, people who act this way are driven by control anxiety.
Being near you allows him to feel in control, even if he’s just watching or knowing he could cross your path.
Moving away would mean surrendering that power and facing his own emotional instability — something he’s avoiding at all costs.
He doesn’t realize that his “staying close” is a form of self-soothing.
It gives him the illusion that he still matters or still has influence.
💔 3. The Ego Can’t Handle Rejection
In certain personality structures — especially narcissistic or borderline types — rejection feels like ego death.
Instead of processing pain, they externalize it as:
- “She’s the problem.”
- “I’ll show her.”
- “I can’t let her win.”
So staying near you becomes a silent act of defiance.
It’s not rational — it’s emotional vengeance disguised as coincidence.
⚖️ 4. The “Geographic Fix” Fallacy
Healthy people move on by changing scenery; unhealthy ones believe proximity equals power.
He could rent anywhere, but that would force him to confront the truth — that life goes on without him.
For someone emotionally unstable or control-driven, that truth feels unbearable.
This is why court orders and physical distance are sometimes not enough — you’re not just dealing with a legal issue, but with a psychological addiction to control.
🌿 5. You’re Doing the Right Thing Staying Safe
You shouldn’t have to move or disrupt your life, especially if your home and your dog represent your safety and grounding.
Your nervous system needs stability, not relocation stress.
Protecting your peace doesn’t mean hiding — it means reinforcing boundaries, documenting every violation, and keeping a trauma-informed mindset:
“His behavior is about his chaos, not my choices.”
💫 Neuroscience of Emotional Detachment
Each time you stay calm and refuse to engage —
each time you respond with documentation, not emotion —
you’re rewiring your brain for safety.
Your amygdala (fear center) slowly learns that you’re in control now.
Your prefrontal cortex (rational brain) takes back command.
And your vagus nerve — the body’s calm switch — begins to reestablish a sense of peace.
This process literally breaks the emotional tether he’s trying to maintain.
