1. The Psychological Message
- Lack of respect: Objectifying others in front of you sends the message that your feelings and dignity are not a priority.
- Low impulse control: This behavior is often linked to reward-seeking and impulsivity, similar to addiction-like patterns.
- Pathological narcissism or immaturity: Repeated sexual commentary can reflect a need for ego-boosting, validation, or dominance, rather than genuine intimacy.
2. The Neuroscience Behind It
- Dopamine chase: Sexual novelty activates the brain’s reward system (ventral striatum, nucleus accumbens). Men who compulsively comment/look are often chasing micro dopamine hits instead of deep bonding.
- Low oxytocin engagement: Oxytocin (the bonding hormone) promotes loyalty and focus on one partner. When oxytocin bonding is weak, attention shifts outward, seeking stimulation.
- Amygdala and prefrontal cortex imbalance: The amygdala triggers sexual arousal, but the prefrontal cortex (self-control) should regulate it. In men who lack restraint, the “braking system” is weak, so inappropriate behaviors spill out.
3. The Pathological Layer
Chronic behavior like this can point to deeper issues:
- Hypersexuality / compulsive sexual behavior: A behavioral addiction, where the brain keeps chasing novelty for dopamine release.
- Narcissistic traits: Using other women as props to feel powerful, attractive, or superior, while devaluing their partner.
- Attachment avoidance: Keeping intimacy shallow by always directing energy outward, never fully committing to emotional closeness.
4. The Clear Message to You
This behavior communicates:
- “I am not fully invested or bonded.”
- “I prioritize my impulses over your feelings.”
- “I want control, admiration, or stimulation more than I want to nurture intimacy.”
5. Why It Hurts You Neurologically
When you witness this:
- Cortisol spikes → stress, anxiety, jealousy, hypervigilance.
- Self-esteem erodes → your brain starts questioning your value and attractiveness.
- Oxytocin suppression → it weakens the bonding you feel, leaving you insecure instead of safe.
👉 Bottom Line:
When a man constantly looks at other women and makes sexual comments, it’s not “just a habit.” Neuropsychologically, it reflects dopamine-driven novelty-seeking, low bonding chemistry (oxytocin), and often pathological ego or control issues.
It sends the unmistakable message: “I am not prioritizing you, and I don’t respect the emotional impact on you.”
Healthy Admiration vs. Disrespectful Objectification
| Healthy Admiration | Disrespectful Objectification (Red Flag) |
|---|---|
| Brain Chemistry: Oxytocin + dopamine balanced → attraction exists, but loyalty and respect keep focus on the partner. | Brain Chemistry: Dopamine novelty-chasing dominates, low oxytocin bonding → always scanning for stimulation. |
| Behavior: Notices others discreetly but keeps attention on their partner. No crude comments. | Behavior: Stares openly, makes sexual remarks, even in partner’s presence. |
| Psychology: Secure attachment → values partner, prioritizes emotional safety. | Psychology: Immature, avoidant, or narcissistic traits → prioritizes ego and impulses over respect. |
| Impact on Partner: Partner feels secure, valued, and attractive. | Impact on Partner: Partner feels disrespected, insecure, and devalued. |
| Message Sent: “I see others exist, but you are my focus and choice.” | Message Sent: “My impulses come first; your feelings are secondary.” |
👉 Bottom Line:
- Healthy admiration = natural, private, doesn’t damage intimacy.
- Disrespectful objectification = compulsive, public, undermines trust and safety.
