One year can change everything. After decades of heaviness, control, and restriction, I now find myself living in a different world — one filled with laughter, lightness, and the kind of play I thought was lost to me forever.
Nights stretch long with music turned up loud, dancing and singing under the stars, laughter echoing in the pool, and the deliciousness of staying up too late simply because joy feels more important than sleep. Playfulness has returned in every form: being spontaneous, acting childish, saying yes to adventure, even rediscovering the wildness of sex that is free, fun, and everywhere. For the first time in decades, I feel alive again.
The Psychology of Rediscovering Play
Psychologists remind us that play is not just for children — it is a core human need. Play restores creativity, strengthens bonds, and acts as an antidote to trauma. After years of survival mode, where the nervous system is locked in vigilance, play is the medicine that reopens curiosity and spontaneity.
In fact, trauma expert Peter Levine calls play “the natural completion of survival responses.” When we laugh, run, splash, or act silly, our bodies discharge old fear and reset toward safety. What looks like “acting childish” is actually profound healing.
The Neuroscience of Feeling Alive Again
Neuroscience explains why this shift feels so transformative. When life was lived in stress, cortisol and adrenaline dominated, keeping the body in fight-or-flight. Now, moments of joy flood the brain with dopamine (reward), oxytocin (connection), and serotonin (peace). Music, movement, touch, and laughter all stimulate the vagus nerve, calming the nervous system and making us feel deeply alive.
Sex, too, isn’t just physical — it’s neurochemical. It brings a surge of bonding hormones and endorphins, literally rewiring the brain toward safety, intimacy, and pleasure. What might look like playfulness is in fact the body reclaiming what was lost: aliveness.
A Different World
One year on, life no longer revolves around fear, criticism, or suppression. It revolves around spontaneity, pleasure, and light. It is a reminder that healing isn’t only about processing pain — it is also about reclaiming joy, silliness, and the freedom to live without apology.
After three decades of absence, I can finally say: I feel alive again.
