It’s not just about the practical nuisance of bills showing up, it can also feel like an abuser’s shadow still creeping into your safe space. You’ve already taken the big, brave step of legally separating yourself. Now it’s about making sure their financial mess doesn’t spill into your life anymore.
Here are some clear steps you can take:
1. Check What the Bills Are
- Make sure the bills are truly in their name alone. If your name is anywhere on the account (joint loan, joint utilities, etc.), creditors may legally still see you as responsible.
- If your name isn’t there, that’s important — you’re not liable. The debt is theirs, not yours.
2. Contact the Creditors Directly
- Call or write to the company listed on the bill.
- Give them the abuser’s new address (if you have it), or at least notify them:“This person no longer lives here. They are not at this address. Please update your records.”
- Many companies will immediately stop sending correspondence to you once you make this request.
3. Return to Sender
- Simply write “Not at this address – Return to Sender” on the envelope and put it back in the post.
- You don’t have to open or engage with the contents — this signals to creditors that they need to update their records.
4. Protect Your Mail
- If the abuser knows your address and deliberately lists it, you might want to:
- Set up a P.O. Box and slowly transition your own important mail there.
- Register for mail redirection services (some postal services offer this).
- This gives you a layer of privacy and stops you being “used” as their contact point.
5. Legal Safeguards
- If this feels like harassment or a deliberate way of keeping their presence in your life, you can:
- Document every piece of wrongly sent mail.
- Tell your lawyer or solicitor — sometimes a formal letter from them to creditors (or the abuser) is enough to stop it.
- If necessary, notify the court if there are orders in place (like a protection or no-contact order).
6. Emotional Perspective
This situation isn’t just annoying — it’s symbolic. Every bill that lands in your mailbox can feel like they’re invading your space again. Remind yourself: the debt is theirs, not yours. You don’t have to carry their irresponsibility anymore, either financially or emotionally.
A simple ritual may help: each time you see one of those envelopes, remind yourself:
“Not mine. Not my debt. Not my life anymore.”
Then physically put it back into the mailbox. That small act reinforces your boundaries.
