Alice Miller was one of the most outspoken voices on it. Let me expand on her ideas about poisonous pedagogy, then bring in the perspectives of other psychologists and child development experts on smacking, punishment, and manipulation.
Alice Miller: Poisonous Pedagogy
- Miller coined the term “poisonous pedagogy” to describe child-rearing practices that manipulate, dominate, or break a child’s will under the guise of “good education” or “proper upbringing.”
- This includes not only physical punishment like smacking, but also:
- Shaming (“You should be ashamed of yourself”)
- Gaslighting (“That didn’t hurt” or “You’re imagining things”)
- Emotional withdrawal (ignoring or withholding affection to enforce obedience)
- Hypocrisy (adults demanding respect while showing none themselves)
- Fear-based obedience (using threats, humiliation, or guilt instead of guidance)
- Her famous line: “Every smack is a humiliation.” Even when it doesn’t cause lasting physical harm, it teaches the child that their dignity and boundaries can be violated by those in power.
She argued that these experiences don’t just vanish—they shape the adult psyche, often leading to suppressed rage, depression, inability to trust, or even perpetuating the cycle of abuse.
Other Psychologists and Thinkers on Smacking and Punishment
1. John Bowlby (Attachment Theory)
- Bowlby emphasized that secure attachment depends on a child feeling safe, understood, and emotionally protected.
- Punishment through smacking undermines this sense of safety, creating anxious or avoidant attachment stylesin adulthood.
- Instead of learning right from wrong, the child learns to fear abandonment or rejection.
2. Donald Winnicott
- Known for his concept of the “good enough mother,” Winnicott stressed that children develop healthily when their authentic self is seen and mirrored, not suppressed.
- Smacking teaches the child to split off parts of themselves to survive (“false self”), which leads to compliance at the cost of authenticity.
3. B. F. Skinner (Behaviorism)
- Skinner’s research showed that punishment (like smacking) is less effective in the long run than reinforcement.
- Punishment may stop unwanted behavior in the short term, but it creates:
- Fear of the punisher, not internal moral understanding.
- Avoidance behaviors (hiding mistakes instead of correcting them).
- No teaching of positive alternatives.
- Skinner’s work gave rise to positive reinforcement strategies (rewarding desired behaviors), now widely used in child development and education.
4. Diana Baumrind (Parenting Styles)
- Baumrind identified authoritarian parenting (strict, punitive, demanding obedience) as linked to:
- Higher aggression in children.
- Lower self-esteem.
- Poorer social competence.
- In contrast, authoritative parenting (firm but warm, with explanations and respect) is linked to healthier outcomes.
- She strongly opposed corporal punishment, noting it undermines trust and encourages resentment.
5. Elizabeth Gershoff (Contemporary Researcher)
- Gershoff’s meta-analyses (2002, 2016) covering decades of research conclude that corporal punishment:
- Is linked to increased aggression, antisocial behavior, mental health problems, and damaged relationships.
- Does not improve long-term compliance.
- Correlates with worse outcomes across the lifespan, even when parents claim it is mild or controlled.
6. Daniel Siegel (Interpersonal Neurobiology)
- Siegel emphasizes the impact of relational experiences on brain development.
- Smacking or harsh punishment activates the stress response system (amygdala, cortisol), impairing prefrontal cortex functioning (self-regulation, empathy, decision-making).
- Instead of teaching discipline, it wires the brain for fear and reactivity.
Psychological Consequences of Smacking & Harsh Punishment
- Short-term compliance, long-term harm.
- Erosion of trust between child and caregiver.
- Teaches that violence is a valid response to frustration.
- Internalized shame and humiliation, which can manifest as anxiety, depression, or self-destructive patterns later.
- Repetition across generations: “I was hit and I turned out fine” often masks unresolved trauma.
Healthier Alternatives
Modern psychology increasingly advocates:
- Emotion coaching (helping children name and regulate feelings)
- Natural consequences (learning through the outcome of actions, not imposed punishment)
- Positive reinforcement (encouraging desired behavior)
- Boundary-setting with respect (“I won’t let you hit me. Let’s take a break.”)
- Repair and reflection instead of punishment.
