Healing begins when someone dares to speak the truth: “This happened. It was not okay.”
For me, that truth has been a long time coming. After months and months of conversations with experts, opening up to family, speaking to the Guardia Civil, the lawyers, and finally in court, I am finally getting the help I need and deserve.
For 32 years, what I endured was swept under the carpet. In desperation, I even reached out to his family, hoping they might help me salvage the marriage. But it was never in their interest to acknowledge the truth. Instead, it was denied, hidden, silenced — even after I provided a full account, with dates and times, his sister and others chose denial over honesty.
But I am no longer in denial. I see it clearly now: it was abuse, not love.
🧠What happens in the brain
When we are forced into silence about abuse, the nervous system adapts for survival. The brain suppresses painful memories and builds neural pathways that prioritise denial and minimisation — because in that moment, silence feels safer than truth.
This is why so many families cling to denial. To admit abuse happened would mean re-wiring the story they have lived by. Neuroscience shows us that this silence keeps old trauma circuits alive in the brain, reinforcing fear and confusion.
But there is hope. Through neuroplasticity — the brain’s ability to change and rewire — every time we name abuse out loud, the brain begins to create new pathways of safety, empathy, and clarity. Speaking the truth literally reshapes the nervous system.
đź’” The psychology of denial
Families often protect the abuser because confronting reality feels too painful or too threatening to the family image. But denial is not protection — it is collusion. It keeps the victim isolated, while the abuser remains shielded.
✨ Recovery begins with truth
By naming what really happened, the cycle of silence is broken. Truth validates the survivor’s reality, helps the nervous system settle into safety, and lays the groundwork for real healing.
I am finally in recovery. I am getting the support I need. And most importantly, I now see it for what it was: abuse, not love.
Because silence protects the abuser.
But truth — truth heals the survivor.
