Playing head games and pretending to be ill to get attention—is indeed exhausting and often frustrating. From a psychological and neuroscientific perspective, it’s usually not about just being “childish” or “boring,” though it definitely can feel that way to the person on the receiving end. Instead, it often points to deeper emotional or developmental issues that the person is struggling with, and yes—they really do need help.

Psychological Perspective

At its core, this behavior is often a form of attention-seeking, which can arise from unmet emotional needs or insecurities. People who engage in these manipulative tactics might:

• Have low self-esteem or feel deeply insecure: They may believe that they’re not worthy of love or attention unless they dramatize their situation or create crises.
• Have difficulty regulating emotions: Instead of expressing feelings straightforwardly, they resort to indirect and confusing behaviors, which can sometimes be a learned coping mechanism.
• Use control as a way to feel safe: By creating uncertainty or “testing” others, they try to gain a sense of control over relationships or situations that otherwise feel unstable or threatening to them.
• May have underlying personality disorders or trauma histories: For example, certain personality patterns—like those seen in borderline or histrionic personality disorders—can involve attention-seeking and emotional manipulation. Childhood trauma or neglect can also prime someone to develop maladaptive ways to seek connection and validation.

Neuroscience Angle

From a neuroscience standpoint, this behavior ties into how the brain processes reward, stress, and social connection:

• The brain craves social validation and connection: Our brains release dopamine and other neurochemicals when we feel noticed or valued by others. If someone’s baseline of feeling connected is low, they might engage in behaviors—sometimes disruptive or negative—that spike this neurochemical reward.
• Dysregulated emotional circuits: The prefrontal cortex (which governs rational thought and impulse control) might be underactive or less effective in these individuals, while the amygdala (which governs emotional reactivity) can be overactive. This imbalance can lead to impulsive, attention-seeking behaviors without regard for consequences.
• Stress response and attachment: Early attachment disruptions can shape the brain’s stress regulation systems. When these systems are impaired, a person may unconsciously “test” others’ loyalty or love through problematic behavior, as a way to soothe internal uncertainty.

Why It Feels So “Childish” and “Boring” to Others

It’s natural to feel exhausted or frustrated by these behaviors because they:

• Disrupt genuine communication: Instead of honest dialogue, you’re faced with games and puzzles that don’t lead to real connection.
• Waste emotional energy: Trying to “figure out” or fix someone else’s drama can drain your empathy and patience.
• Feel repetitive and predictable: Once you see the pattern, it becomes clear it’s a cycle, not a meaningful interaction.

What This Person Needs (But Often Won’t Get on Their Own)

What they really need is help to heal and grow emotionally, which usually involves:

• Therapeutic support: Therapy can help them build emotional awareness, regulate their feelings, and develop healthier ways to seek connection.
• Developing secure attachment: Learning how to trust others without manipulation or fear.
• Building self-worth: Helping them see that they don’t need to manufacture drama to feel valued or loved.
• Sometimes medication: If there are underlying mood or anxiety disorders contributing to their behavior.

My Opinion

While I completely get why this behavior can feel draining and immature, it’s important to hold a balanced view: these people aren’t just “bad” or “annoying.” They’re often deeply stuck in old emotional wounds and survival strategies that don’t serve them well or those around them. Yes, it’s frustrating, but seeing it through the lens of neuroscience and psychology reminds us that this behavior is a symptom—not a personality flaw to be judged.

At the same time, it’s perfectly valid and necessary to set firm boundaries for your own mental health. You can care that someone needs help and still protect yourself from their toxic patterns.