(The Grifter’s Housing Strategy Disguised as Love)
Let’s talk about a major, often-overlooked red flag:
They don’t have a permanent address.
No home in their name.
No lease. No mortgage. No proof of stability.
And yet somehow…
They’re always living somewhere.
That’s not coincidence. That’s strategy.
They float from place to place, partner to partner, couch to couch — always as someone’s guest, never as someone responsible.
This isn’t bad luck.
This isn’t “just a rough patch.”
This is a lifestyle.
A calculated one.
🧳 The Nomadic Con: Why They Never Settle
These individuals — con men, gigolos, Casanovas, catfishers, emotional scammers — often live parasitically. They survive by:
- Moving in with lovers under the illusion of romance.
- Claiming to be in “transition” between jobs, homes, or cities.
- Tugging at your empathy with stories of abandonment or crisis.
- Making you feel like the savior, the one, the only person who understands them.
But here’s what’s really happening:
They’re homeless with a game plan.
They let others build the home, buy the food, pay the bills — while they contribute just enough emotionally or sexually to maintain access.
⚠️ Spotting the Pattern: Look at Their Living History
Ask yourself:
- Have they lived with multiple partners in the past?
- Do they always leave a trail of emotional or financial wreckage?
- Are they vague or evasive about where they live?
- Have they ever had a home of their own?
- Do they resist putting anything in writing — lease, rental agreements, contributions?
If their entire adult life has been built around infiltrating other people’s stability, you’re not dating a person — you’re hosting a houseguest with boundary issues.
🛠️ The Long Game: From Suitcase to Settled-In
Here’s how they often do it:
- They visit “just for the weekend.”
They stay over a few nights, bringing minimal belongings. - Then they “forget” something.
A toothbrush. A change of clothes. A laptop. It creates presence. - Then they have an excuse to stay longer.
Their place is uncomfortable. Their flatmate is toxic. They need a break. - Before you know it, they live there.
They’ve got drawer space, use your car, eat your food, and contribute nothing but emotional confusion.
And when they finally leave — it’s often after taking more than they gave. Sometimes emotionally. Sometimes financially. Sometimes legally.
😢 What You Might Tell Yourself
- “They’re just down on their luck.”
- “They’ve had a hard life.”
- “I’m helping them get back on their feet.”
- “They don’t mean to be this way.”
These are beautiful thoughts — and exactly the kind of compassion they prey on.
But the truth?
A grown adult with no history of stable, independent living isn’t looking for a partner.
They’re looking for a landlord with a soft heart.
💡 How to Protect Yourself
If you’re entering into a new connection and sense this pattern — don’t ignore it.
Ask questions. Check references. Trust your gut.
🚫 Don’t let anyone move in “temporarily” without clear boundaries.
🚫 Don’t become their emotional rehab center or financial safety net.
🚫 Don’t allow pity to override logic.
People who want a home will build one with you.
People who need a host will take over yours.
🧠 Final Thought: Their Past Is Their Blueprint
If someone has a long-standing pattern of living off others, believe it.
Not because people can’t change — but because most don’t unless they want to.
And if they haven’t even taken accountability for the pattern?
They’re just waiting to repeat it.
You are not selfish for protecting your home.
You are not cold for asking questions.
You are not paranoid for seeing patterns.
You’re wise.
You’re learning.
You’re allowed to say: Not this time.
