At first, you listen. Because you’re kind, empathetic, and you genuinely care.
They tell you they’re dealing with health issues.
They say they don’t have health insurance.
They’re always broke.
They’re working day and night.
They’re stretched thin.
They’re trying their best.
And you believe them — because you want to believe them.
You offer your support, your time, maybe even your home. You go out of your way to be understanding. You make allowances. You lower your expectations. You do what good people do: you give grace.
But after a while, something shifts.
The timelines don’t match.
The stories start contradicting each other.
The same excuses are recycled over and over, conveniently appearing whenever they’re being held accountable.
You notice they always have energy for the things they want — just never for you.
There’s always a reason why they can’t contribute, can’t commit, can’t reciprocate.
And deep down, you begin to feel it:
You’re being played.
Not necessarily in some dramatic, malicious way — but in that subtle, manipulative way where someone uses your kindness as a cushion. Where hardship becomes a permanent script instead of a passing season. Where excuses become a lifestyle.
Here’s the truth no one likes to admit:
Genuine struggle doesn’t come with a pattern of entitlement.
Yes, people go through hard times. But there’s a difference between hardship and habitual avoidance.
There’s a difference between someone who’s truly overwhelmed and someone who’s emotionally manipulating you by constantly appearing as the victim — just enough to keep you giving, forgiving, and doubting yourself instead of them.
When the stories don’t add up, start listening to your gut.
You don’t owe endless loyalty to someone who treats you like a convenience.
You’re allowed to question the narrative — especially when it costs your peace, your resources, or your emotional energy.
You’re allowed to say, “This isn’t adding up, and I no longer feel comfortable making space for it.”
Your compassion should never be taken for granted.
Your support is a gift, not an obligation.
And your clarity? That’s your power.
Believe what you see, not just what you’re told.
Because when someone really wants to get their life together, they don’t use excuses to cover laziness or manipulation. They use effort, growth, and honesty.
And anything less than that? You don’t need to carry.
I felt this hit my soul because I had a lot of friends who treated me like a convenience when I made them my priorities; I freed my time for my friends when they needed help, while they did this for me when they had time. I was the one who would give everything and people gave nothing in return. When I called my best friend of 10 years out especially, I noticed a lot of inconsistencies and he would tell me that I was being unfair or took things too seriously. We’ve been friends for so long, but very recently I started to question our friendship. When I brought my concerns up to my friend, he said that he needed time to think about my words; that I didn’t feel like a friend, I felt like I was an inconvenience, and that he wasn’t choosing to reach out and only did it because his girlfriend would nag him to maintain his friendships. If he couldn’t do this on his own, or even take the time to talk things over with me, I was willing to walk away from this kind of friend because I hated feeling like people kept me around because of what I could give them, rather than who I was.
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When you’re the one who always shows up, it’s devastating to realize others only do so when it’s convenient. You gave your time, energy, and loyalty—not out of obligation, but from love. And yet, when you voiced your hurt, you were told you were “too serious” or “unfair.”
That’s not friendship. That’s emotional freeloading.
You weren’t asking for too much—you were asking for the bare minimum: respect, consistency, presence. If someone keeps you in their life only because they’re pressured to, they’re not choosing you.
Letting go hurts. But staying in a dynamic that diminishes your worth hurts more. You deserve relationships where you’re valued not for what you give, but for who you are.
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I hope that, after everything, I do find someone who would value me, flaws and all, even when I’m trying my best to be better, to do better, instead of what I could give: my time, energy, loyalty, or money (like picking up the bills or sending practical gifts for example). It’s lonely, but I learned to identify behaviors and patterns in myself and in others that are not to be tolerated anymore. It opened my eyes and I know now that I have a lot more growing to do, just not with certain people.
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