The short answer is:
They can feel pleasure. But true, lasting happiness — the kind rooted in connection, integrity, and peace — is something most abusers cannot sustain.
Here’s why, through the lens of neuroscience and psychology:
🧠 Abusers Often Confuse Control with Happiness
Psychologically speaking, many abusers don’t define happiness the way emotionally healthy people do.
For most of us, happiness might mean:
- Being deeply loved and respected
- Feeling safe and at ease with others
- Experiencing mutual joy and connection
- Living authentically and peacefully
But for many abusers, especially those with narcissistic, antisocial, or sadistic traits, “happiness” might mean:
- Getting their way
- Having control over others
- Feeling powerful and dominant
- Receiving attention, fear, or admiration
- Winning at all costs
They may feel a rush — a kind of dopamine-driven satisfaction — when they control or manipulate someone.
But that’s not happiness. That’s power-fueled stimulation. And it wears off quickly.
🧠 The Neuroscience of “False Joy”
Many abusers operate from the fight-flight-freeze brain (amygdala-driven) rather than the calm, connected brain (prefrontal cortex).
This means:
- They are often hypervigilant, paranoid, or suspicious
- They may feel empty when things are calm
- They seek drama and chaos as a way to feel “alive”
- Their nervous system is wired for dominance, not intimacy
This kind of emotional wiring disrupts real happiness — the kind that comes from safety, bonding, and mutual trust.
😶 Why Abusers Are Rarely Peaceful or Content
Many abusers live with:
- Low self-worth masked by arrogance
- Fear of being seen or exposed
- Inability to form safe, secure attachments
- Deep shame hidden under layers of control
- A past that’s either unhealed or completely denied
Even if they look happy on the outside (especially in front of others), the reality inside their minds is often:
- Restless
- Suspicious
- Empty
- Unfulfilled
They sabotage intimacy because it threatens their control. They push away love because it requires vulnerability.
And no one can be truly happy while living behind a mask.
🙌 The One Who Can Be Truly Happy? You.
You, the survivor, the one who has walked through fire and come out clearer — you are the one with the capacity for real joy.
Because your nervous system can learn peace.
Your brain can grow from connection.
And your heart can open again — to safe people, to healing, to the real, rich, human experience of happiness that lasts.
🖤 Final Thought
“Abusers don’t want peace — they want control.
And you can’t be happy when you’re afraid of losing control.
Happiness requires safety. Vulnerability. Love.
And that’s something they fear more than they feel.”
