An open letter to anyone who forgot what it feels like to be alive
And breathe…
It’s taken me decades to get here.
Decades to feel my chest rise and fall without fear.
Decades to exhale without bracing for the emotional coldness that always followed.
Decades to feel seen, heard, and safe.
I didn’t realise I was starving.
Not for food — but for affection. For warmth. For soul-deep connection.
I knew something was missing.
But I couldn’t name it, not then.
Not until I saw my daughter again.
Until I felt that old, familiar love — the kind that doesn’t ask for anything in return.
The kind that wraps you up without words.
I had felt it before — with my brother. With family. With true friends.
But never in my marriage.
That part of my life was cold.
Empty.
Loveless.
🌫 Emotional Starvation Feels Like:
- Being surrounded, but utterly alone
- Giving endlessly, and receiving nothing
- Dimming your light so someone else doesn’t feel threatened
- Watching every friend who loved you be driven away
- Wondering, deep down: Is this really all there is?
And when someone slowly isolates you from everyone who makes you feel alive?
That’s not love. That’s control.
Real love doesn’t make you smaller.
It doesn’t silence your voice.
It doesn’t demand loyalty through loneliness.
🧠 The Neuroscience of Coming Back to Life
Emotional deprivation rewires the nervous system.
You learn to survive without smiles. Without touch. Without joy.
Your limbic system becomes dull, your prefrontal cortex foggy, and your vagal tone — the part of your nervous system responsible for social connection — goes quiet.
But the beautiful part?
When you’re finally safe again…
When love reenters the room — even in the smallest ways —
Your brain begins to light back up.
You start to smile without force.
You laugh. You cry. You feel.
You remember: This is what it means to be alive.
💛 Freedom Feels Like:
- Volunteering in spaces that once felt off-limits
- Laughing with friends you chose — not ones pre-approved for you
- Working in ways that feed your soul, whether paid or not
- Shopping for yourself without needing permission
- Spending time with family without guilt
- Building new friendships, rooted in joy, not fear
You’re no longer held hostage by someone else’s insecurity.
You don’t need to shrink, hide, or explain yourself.
You are free to live your life. Your way.
🕊 My Message for Others:
If you’re still in that place — that quiet prison with no bars — I see you.
You may not realise how starved you are until you taste real love again.
But trust me: it’s out there.
The warmth. The laughter. The joy. The freedom.You deserve friendships that fill your soul.
You deserve work that brings you meaning.
You deserve connection without control.And when that day comes — when you feel it for the first time —
You’ll breathe.You’ll breathe like you haven’t in years.
And you’ll whisper to yourself,“This is what freedom feels like.”
