No. It’s not “too much.”
It’s not needy, clingy, or dramatic. It’s a human longing for connection, especially when you’re emotionally invested in someone.
🧠 The Neuroscience Behind Connection Needs
Your brain and nervous system are wired for attachment and regulation through connection. When you’re bonding with someone, especially in early romantic relationships, your dopamine, oxytocin, and mirror neurons are firing. These chemicals create a sense of joy, safety, and emotional anchoring — but they also make absence feel painful when reciprocity isn’t there.
- A simple message or call lights up your reward pathways.
- A lack of response triggers uncertainty and anxiety (especially if you’ve experienced trauma or inconsistent love in the past).
So when you don’t hear from them, especially after emotional intimacy, your body can feel dysregulated — like something’s wrong. That’s not dysfunction. That’s biology.
❤️ In Real Relationships…
In healthy, securely attached relationships, frequent communication is the norm — not the exception.
- Some couples check in a few times a day.
- Some send “good morning” or “thinking of you” texts without prompting.
- Others do a quick phone call at lunch or bedtime.
And none of that is “too much.” It’s how secure bonds are formed and maintained.
But… Let’s Talk Balance, Too
While wanting connection is completely valid, here are a few gentle questions to reflect on:
- Is your desire for frequent check-ins about bonding or soothing anxiety?
(Both are okay, but it’s good to be aware.) - Is the other person capable of showing up in the way you need, long term?
If not, it may not be about your standards being too high — but their capacity being too low. - Have you communicated your needs clearly and kindly?
Sometimes people genuinely don’t know how important these things are to us unless we tell them.
If that makes someone uncomfortable or they call it “too much” — then they’re probably not your person. Not because you’re too intense, but because they may not be ready for depth, consistency, or mutual emotional attunement.
🌱 Final Thought: You Are Allowed to Want What You Want
Needing:
- Reassurance
- Presence
- Check-ins
- To feel chosen, even in small moments
…is not a flaw. It’s a healthy expectation in a connected relationship.
You are not asking too much.
You are asking the wrong person if they make you feel like you are.
