For anyone questioning the health or safety of their relationship.
When you’re healing from trauma or in a confusing relationship, it can be difficult to see clearly.
You may question yourself, doubt your instincts, or believe things “aren’t that bad.”
This checklist is here to gently help you gain clarity — not from fear, but from self-protection and truth.
💡 Emotional Safety Questions
- Do you feel you can express your emotions without being mocked, blamed, or punished?
- Do you feel constantly anxious, like you’re walking on eggshells?
- Do you second-guess yourself or your reality often (e.g., “Maybe I’m overreacting”)?
- Have you been called “too sensitive,” “crazy,” or “ungrateful” when expressing needs?
- Are you afraid to be honest because it might “set them off” or lead to conflict?
🧠 Cognitive & Psychological Red Flags
- Do you feel mentally exhausted or confused after conversations with them?
- Have they twisted your words or made you question your own memory?
- Do you doubt your own intuition or start to believe their version of events over yours?
- Do you feel like you’ve lost confidence, joy, or clarity since being with them?
- Are you “fawning” (people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, hyper-agreeable) to stay safe?
🚨 Behavioral Warning Signs
- Do they monitor your phone, social media, whereabouts, or friendships?
- Have they ever told you what you can or cannot wear, say, or do?
- Have you felt pressured into sex, affection, or decisions you weren’t comfortable with?
- Do they isolate you from loved ones or turn you against your support system?
- Have you stopped doing things you enjoy to avoid conflict?
🧍♀️ Physical Safety Checks
- Have they ever:
- Thrown objects or damaged things in anger?
- Blocked a doorway or restricted your movement?
- Shouted in your face, used physical intimidation, or followed you aggressively?
- Hurt you physically — even once?
- Blamed you for their violence (“You made me do it”)?
❤️🩹 Your Inner Knowing
- Have people close to you voiced concern about your relationship?
- Do you fantasize about escaping or starting over — even if it’s just emotionally?
- Do you feel like you’re “losing yourself”?
- Are you reading this right now because something inside you doesn’t feel right?
🧭 If You Answered “Yes” to Multiple Questions
Please know:
You do not need more “proof” to validate your discomfort.
Your nervous system often knows what your mind is not ready to admit.
Whether it’s subtle emotional abuse or overt violence — you are allowed to take action.
🌱 Next Steps: Safety + Support
- Speak with a trauma-informed therapist — especially one who understands abuse dynamics, narcissistic traits, or coercive control
- Create a safety plan, especially if physical danger is involved (there are many templates available — I can share one)
- Reach out to trusted friends or support groups — isolation is a tactic abusers use to keep you quiet
- Document incidents (privately) — this is especially important for future legal or personal clarity
- Trust your body — rapid heartbeat, stomach pain, insomnia, or shutdown can be signs of chronic fear
- Know you are not alone — and you deserve safety, peace, and love that does not cost you your dignity
🕊️ “If you feel like you’re always bracing for impact — that is not love. That is survival.”
You were not born to live in a war zone disguised as a relationship.
You were born to be safe, seen, and sovereign.
