Abusers don’t just lie to you — they often lie about you, especially to your friends, family, colleagues, or community. This is a deliberate form of character assassination, and it’s often part of a larger strategy called “DARVO”: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.
The goal?
To discredit you before you tell the truth, so that when you do speak out, people doubt you, not them.
Here’s a deeper look into the kinds of lies abusers often invent to discredit survivors — and the twisted logic behind them:
💣 The Lies Abusers Tell Others to Destroy Your Credibility
1. “They’re unstable / have mental health issues.”
“She’s not right in the head.”
“He’s got bipolar or something — totally unpredictable.”
🔍 Why they do it:
This lie plants the seed of doubt. It makes your emotions and reactions seem irrational — even when they’re a completely normal response to trauma. It’s particularly cruel because many survivors do struggle with anxiety, depression, or PTSD as a result of the abuse — and this is then weaponized against them.
2. “They’re the abusive one.”
“She was the one screaming and throwing things.”
“He used to provoke me constantly — I just defended myself.”
🔍 Why they do it:
This is classic DARVO. By flipping the script, they paint themselves as the victim and you as the aggressor. It’s also a way to pre-emptively justify their own violence or emotional abuse.
3. “They’re a liar / manipulative / attention-seeking.”
“She’s always twisting the truth to get sympathy.”
“He lies to make himself look good — you can’t trust anything he says.”
🔍 Why they do it:
This undermines your credibility before you speak out. The abuser knows that if others start questioning your honesty, your entire story might be dismissed — even if it’s true.
4. “They’re cheating / flirting with everyone.”
“She was always messaging other men.”
“He flirted with everyone, even in front of me.”
🔍 Why they do it:
This tactic shames you and casts you as immoral, unfaithful, or disloyal. It also shifts attention away from their controlling or abusive behavior by implying it was provoked or justified.
5. “They’re jealous / controlling / obsessed.”
“She wouldn’t let me have any friends.”
“He checked my phone constantly — so paranoid.”
🔍 Why they do it:
They flip the narrative to make you sound like the controlling one. Often, survivors do check phones or ask questions after experiencing lies and betrayal — which the abuser then uses to prove you’re the problem.
6. “They’re a bad parent / unreliable / irresponsible.”
“She leaves the kids alone all the time.”
“He drinks too much to be trusted with the children.”
🔍 Why they do it:
This is about power and control — especially in custody battles or co-parenting situations. It’s used to punish you for leaving and to try and take your children, damage your reputation, or destroy your sense of self-worth.
7. “Everyone knows what they’re like.”
“Even their own family doesn’t talk to them anymore.”
“Ask anyone — she’s always been difficult.”
🔍 Why they do it:
This false consensus creates isolation. It makes you feel like no one will believe you and convinces others to stay silent or pick sides. It’s a way to socially exile you from your own support system.
🧠 The Psychological Impact
Being lied about in this way is its own form of abuse — a psychological campaign of discreditation and erasure. It causes:
- Loss of trust with friends and family
- Confusion and self-doubt (“Am I overreacting?”)
- Isolation (“No one believes me”)
- Shame and guilt, especially if children or loved ones are caught in the crossfire
- Fear of speaking up because the abuser already poisoned the well
❤️ A Message to You (and Other Survivors)
If this has happened to you, please hear this clearly:
You are not alone, and you are not what they say you are.
They lied to protect themselves — not because there was truth in what they said.
Your story is still valid.
Your truth still matters.
And the people who truly care will see through the smear — with time, clarity, and courage.
You don’t need to convince everyone.
You only need to protect your peace, heal in truth, and reclaim the narrative in your own time.
#SmearCampaigns #AbuserTactics #CharacterAssassination #TruthTeller #EmotionalAbuseAwareness #DARVO #YouAreNotWhatTheySayYouAre #ReclaimYourStory
