For years, I felt responsible.
Responsible for his moods.
His meltdowns. His isolation.
His inability to cope with life like an adult.
Every time he spiraled, I was there — explaining, soothing, covering, fixing.
I thought it was love.
I thought if I could just hold everything together, he’d eventually get better.
But it never happened.
And now I see it clearly:
He was never my responsibility. He was — and still is — a liability.
🧠 Understanding the Trap of False Responsibility
Trauma bonds and emotional abuse often convince survivors that the abusive partner’s wellbeing is somehow in their hands. It starts with subtle guilt-trips and escalates into full emotional outsourcing:
- “I wouldn’t be like this if you didn’t provoke me.”
- “You’re the only one who understands me.”
- “If you leave, I’ll fall apart — it’ll be your fault.”
And so, you stay. You manage. You buffer the world from their dysfunction.
Until one day, you realise:
You’re not a partner anymore. You’re a handler.
⚠️ Liability vs. Responsibility: Let’s Get Clear
- A responsibility is something you’re ethically or morally obliged to care for — like your own healing, your children, or your finances.
- A liability is something that drains your energy, damages your wellbeing, and puts you at risk — emotionally, financially, legally, or even physically.
If someone refuses to take accountability, refuses help, and continues to harm others while hiding behind excuses — they are not your responsibility.
They are your liability.
🧯When Caring Becomes Dangerous
Many survivors fall into the “rescuer” role. And abusers, especially those with narcissistic or unstable traits, exploit this. They:
- Use emotional blackmail to avoid facing consequences
- Weaponise their “mental health” to excuse harmful behaviour
- Threaten collapse to keep you stuck
- Paint you as cold-hearted when you finally draw the line
But here’s the truth:
You are not qualified or obligated to rehabilitate someone who is actively harming you.
That is not compassion — that is entrapment.
🛑 You Don’t Owe Them Your Life
It is not your job to:
- Keep their secrets
- Cover up their instability
- Protect their reputation
- Fix their childhood trauma
- Be the emotional sponge for their rage and pain
Especially when they have no intention of changing.
Especially when their instability puts you at risk.
Especially when they move on to their next victim while still creating chaos in your life.
✨ Freedom Is Saying:
“He is no longer my project.
Not my emotional assignment.
Not my burden to carry.
He is not my problem to solve —
he is a problem I needed to walk away from.”
💬 Final Thoughts
Let them say you were heartless. Let them call you cold.
They don’t know what you carried.
They don’t know how many nights you stayed up trying to hold a broken person together.
You tried.
But now, you choose peace.
Because he is no longer your responsibility.
He is a liability.
And your life is not a rehabilitation centre for people who refuse to change.
