People often ask survivors of trauma, “Are you afraid of all men?”
And my answer is simple: No.
I’m not afraid of all men.
I’m afraid of one man.

That fear isn’t irrational — it’s a lived, embodied response to abuse, manipulation, and violence. But here’s the difference: I’ve done the work. I’ve sat in therapy rooms, spoken my truth out loud, cried, journaled, and healed layer by layer. I’ve learned that healing doesn’t require blanket fear or hardened walls. It invites discernment.

I no longer project the past onto everyone.
I no longer carry the weight of one man’s actions into every new connection.
But I do go slowly. And that’s healthy.

This is what trauma-informed healing looks like:

• It’s giving yourself permission to pause.
• It’s being cautious without being closed off.
• It’s recognising red flags before they escalate.
• It’s listening to your body — the anxiety in your chest, the tightening in your gut, or the calm peace when someone truly feels safe.

This is somatic healing — when your nervous system finally learns to feel safe again.
After trauma, the body becomes your compass. It knows. It senses. And when you meet someone genuine, kind, and grounded, your body will feel it. Not just your heart. Your entire being.

I’ve done a lot of trauma-informed work.
I’ve studied neuroscience, body language, psychology, facial microexpressions, tone of voice, and subtle shifts in energy.
I’ve trained myself to notice what hides behind a smile. I’ve learned that charm can be a mask, and sometimes the most dangerous people wear the warmest grins.

But I’ve also learned to recognise real gentleness. Authentic kindness. The ones who don’t perform goodness — they live it.

The eyes really do tell the truth.

There’s something primal about the gaze. The way someone looks at you — not just what they look at — but how. There’s no hiding contempt, anger, arrogance, or coldness in the eyes, no matter how practiced the words may be.
And there’s no mistaking softness, respect, or empathy either.
If you’ve walked through fire, you learn to see more clearly.

Healing is not a destination — it’s a practice.

I’m still healing. I’m still learning.
But I now walk through the world with eyes wide open, a heart guarded by wisdom, and a spirit that’s no longer crushed.

So, no — I’m not afraid of all men.
Just the one who taught me to trust myself more than I trust words.
And for that, I’ve become a woman who will never abandon her intuition again.