“What’s next—my dog?”
That’s the question that echoed in my head today after discovering someone had keyed my car while I was having a Padel lesson.
To some, that might sound like an unfortunate, random act of vandalism. But to survivors who’ve lived under the reign of a controlling or unstable person, it’s something else entirely.
It’s a message.
A warning.
A pattern we’ve seen before.
Because this isn’t new.
This kind of damage, these intimidation tactics—they happened inside the relationship, too. Especially on the days when medication wasn’t taken, when moods swung into destruction, when rage bubbled over and logic left the room. And now, outside of the relationship, it continues.
💣 When They Lose Control, They Try to Destroy
Some people don’t cope with loss or rejection like emotionally healthy adults. They don’t reflect or heal. They retaliate. They act out.
These individuals—especially those who refuse treatment for mental illness or personality disorders—can become dangerously obsessed with punishing the person who “dared” to leave, expose, or reclaim their life.
They’ll target what you love.
What gives you joy.
What reminds you that you’re safe now.
Because at their core, they cannot tolerate you living freely outside of their control.
🚨 To Anyone Dating Someone Like This: Please Pay Attention
If someone tells you their ex is “crazy,” “vindictive,” or “obsessed with them”—look deeper. Because very often, what they call crazy is actually a survivor who spent years walking on eggshells around someone who scared them.
These individuals often don’t take their medication consistently.
They don’t take accountability.
They recreate chaos in every relationship they enter.
And when it ends, they blame. They punish. They destroy.
So if you’re the new partner of someone who shows even a hint of these behaviors, hear this:
God help you.
Because what’s done to one partner almost always repeats with the next.
🧠 This Isn’t About a Car
This is about power.
It’s about someone who can’t control you anymore, so they try to control your environment. Your peace. Your possessions. Your animals. Your sense of safety.
Today it was a car.
Tomorrow—who knows?
When someone is unstable and unwell, especially if they’re off their meds, nothing is off-limits.
🌿 For Survivors: This Is Not Your Shame to Carry
If you’re someone who lived through this kind of hell, please know: you are not paranoid.
You are not overreacting.
You are not “crazy.”
You are responding to a pattern you’ve seen before. A pattern that escalated before. A pattern that taught your nervous system to anticipate danger the moment peace began to bloom.
Your vigilance is a sign of survival.
And your decision to speak out? That’s your power.
📣 Let’s Talk About It
Let’s talk about the reality of post-separation abuse.
Let’s talk about what happens when vindictive people try to destroy lives out of spite.
Let’s talk about how it’s not enough to leave—we often have to protect ourselves for months or years after.
Let’s talk about how trauma doesn’t stop when the relationship does.
Because if we don’t talk about it, survivors stay silent.
And people like this keep doing it—to the next person. And the next.
