Most people are remembered for their kindness. Their generosity. Their laugh. Maybe even their cooking.

Not him.

He will be remembered for…
The Spreadsheet.

Yes, that spreadsheet. Not a spreadsheet.
The Spreadsheet.
Capital T. Capital S.
A monument to obsession. A tribute to control. A shrine to every cent ever spent—by you, of course, not him.

🧾 A Legacy in Rows and Columns

For over two decades, this man didn’t just manage finances—he orchestrated them. Like a twisted conductor with a calculator baton, he filled his sacred document with every purchase you dared to make.

• Bought the grandkids ice cream?
  Cell D52.
• Picked up a birthday gift?
  Cell F13, flagged in red.
• Spent €1.80 more than usual on shampoo?
  Expect a full audit before dinner.

Meanwhile, he’s over there lighting cigars with €50 notes, gifting overpriced presents to people he met five minutes ago, and cooling his wine cellar with an industrial-grade air conditioning system. All while asking you to “just justify that Boots receipt.”

💼 The Spreadsheet Was His Therapist

You talked to your psychologist. He talked to his spreadsheet.

Where you sought healing, he sought colour-coded vengeance.

Where you wanted connection, he wanted an itemized breakdown of last month’s gas usage.

When things got tough, you reached for your support system.
He opened Excel and whispered, “Come here, darling. Let’s reconcile the accounts.”

💔 The Day Love Died (and the Spreadsheet Got a Promotion)

When the abuse finally cracked wide open and you walked out, what did he do?

• Cry?
  No.
• Reflect?
  Never.
• Try to make amends?
  Only if he could invoice them.

Instead, within hours, he changed the will and locked down the money faster than you could say “personal growth.” The Spreadsheet wasn’t just a financial tool anymore. It was his legal counsel, his security system, his new life partner.

🥇 Let’s Be Honest, It’s All He’ll Be Remembered For

No one will write sonnets about his generosity.
There will be no golden statue for “Husband of the Year.”

But somewhere in the archives of Google Sheets, his legacy lives on:

• Tabs labelled “HER EXPENSES”
• Formulas designed to calculate your emotional worth in decimal places
• Conditional formatting triggered by joy

Your friends and family won’t talk about his charisma or warmth.

They’ll say,
“Oh, him? The Spreadsheet Guy? I remember.”

And you will smile. Because you’re spreadsheet-free. Because your life now runs on joy, not formulas.
Because you spend with freedom, give with heart, and love with abandon.

✨ The Final Entry

Today, you pay your own bills, manage debts, and live peacefully—without needing to be interrogated by a table of numbers.

Your spreadsheet is gone.
But his?

That’s his forever.
Let that be his legacy.