Month 9 of healing.
Today, I found two old cards—an anniversary card and a Valentine’s one—tucked in the back of my bedside drawer.
Both were filled with declarations of love, promises of forever, and words like “soulmate” and “always.”
But the truth? They mean absolutely nothing now.
Because not long after those words were written, that same person left me.
So What Kind of Person Does This?
What kind of person gives grand, loving gestures… while planning their exit?
What kind of mind sends a Valentine’s card… and then emotionally discards you weeks later?
It’s not forgetfulness.
It’s not confusion.
It’s often something far more calculated and distorted.
This is Strategic Emotional Confusion
This pattern is a known tactic used in emotionally abusive relationships. It’s a form of psychological manipulation—used to control, destabilize, or even rewrite the story.
You start to question:
✨ Was I really abused?
✨ How could they say they loved me and leave so easily?
✨ Maybe I’m overreacting… after all, they gave me cards and flowers…
These moments aren’t evidence of love. They are props in a performance.
The Mentality Behind It
Here’s what might be happening in their mindset:
1. Control Through Confusion
They keep you off-balance. Loving one minute, cold the next. That way, you stay hooked trying to “fix” things or make sense of it all.
2. Public Persona Maintenance
They might want to look like the loving partner. Those cards and gestures can become tools for their image management later: “See? I loved them! Look at the cards I gave!”
3. Guilt Buffering
They know they’re planning to leave—or that they’re treating you poorly—so they sprinkle in affection to ease their own guilt. It’s not about your feelings. It’s about their conscience.
4. Love Bombing (Again)
Especially common in cycles of narcissistic abuse: the repeated pattern of idealize → devalue → discard. A card here, a gesture there—just enough to draw you back into the emotional chaos.
It’s Creepy, Because It’s Calculated
Those cards weren’t love letters. They were emotional distractions.
It’s creepy because they knew. They knew they weren’t committed.
They knew they were walking away.
They knew their actions didn’t match their words.
And yet they still gave those cards. Smiled. Signed with love. Lied.
The Truth About Hollow Words
Words without action are just noise.
Promises without consistency are just manipulation.
And love that needs to be proven with paper but not backed up with presence is not love at all.
If you’re reading this and you’ve found yourself staring at an old letter or gift, wondering how it could all be fake—you’re not alone.
It wasn’t your fault.
You didn’t miss the signs.
The signs were designed to confuse you.
The Healing Truth:
🌿 You don’t need to keep those cards.
🌿 You don’t need to decode their meaning.
🌿 You don’t need to carry shame for loving someone who deceived you.
You loved sincerely. They performed selectively.
And now, you’re healing honestly.
