Abusers don’t accidentally find themselves in positions of power over others. They hunt.
They often scan for:
- People with low self-worth
- Those coming out of divorce, grief, or trauma
- People who are empathetic, forgiving, and nurturing
- Those who have strong family loyalty or were raised to “keep the peace”
They don’t fall in love with their victims — they assess and target them.
“They don’t want partners. They want control.”
🎯 Who They Look For: “Damaged” or Just Vulnerably Human?
Let’s be clear: You weren’t weak. You were human.
You had open wounds. You wanted love. You longed for safety, meaning, validation — things we all deserve.
What abusers see as “damage,” the world often sees as depth — and they exploit that.
They prey on:
- Survivors of childhood trauma (easy to guilt, groom, or gaslight)
- People going through life changes (divorce, death, career loss)
- Kind, loyal souls (they call it devotion, but they twist it into submission)
Abusers are expert storytellers. They quickly become who you need — or who you think you need.
💋 Love Bombing: The Hook
In the early stages, it’s like a dream.
They:
- Text all day, every day (“Just thinking of you…”)
- Shower you with gifts, compliments, and future promises
- Mirror your values, likes, dreams (“You’re the only one who’s ever understood me.”)
This creates an intoxicating emotional high — a chemical cocktail of dopamine, oxytocin, and hope. It bonds you fast.
But this isn’t love. It’s a setup.
Love bombing isn’t affection — it’s bait.
🕳️ Then Comes the Switch
Once you’re hooked, the mask slips. Slowly, subtly.
They:
- Criticize you in the name of “helping” you improve
- Withdraw affection to train you to work harder for it
- Start to isolate, confuse, and guilt you
You may hear:
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “No one else will ever love you like I do.”
You chase the person they pretended to be, not realizing they were never real.
This is trauma bonding — the cycle of reward and punishment that keeps victims stuck.
💭 Why This Is So Important to Name
When we say “predator,” some people bristle.
It feels harsh. Uncomfortable.
But calling them “broken,” “confused,” or “troubled” often lets the behavior continue unchallenged. The truth is:
Abuse is not a communication issue. It is a control strategy.
And predators don’t want healing.
They want submission. They want silence.
And they do not stop until they are exposed or resisted.
🌱 But Here’s the Power: Once You See It, You Can’t Unsee It
Healing means learning to:
- Recognize grooming and love bombing early
- Rebuild your self-worth so you’re no longer an easy target
- Replace craving love with cultivating inner safety
- Speak the truth out loud: “That wasn’t love. That was control.”
You are not damaged. You are recovering from someone who exploited your light.
And every step you take toward healing makes it harder for the next predator to succeed.
