What Financial Abuse Really Looks Like (From the Inside Out)

From the outside, he seemed charming. Retired early. Easygoing. Perhaps even generous in appearance. But behind the scenes, the truth was very different — and painfully familiar to so many survivors of emotional and financial abuse.

While I was away in the UK, anxiously by my grandson’s side as he fought for his life, the man I once trusted was entertaining other women — on my money.

While I worked hard well into my sixties — he “retired” at 55. He didn’t tell people I was the one still working, still earning, still making ends meet for both of us. Instead, he created an illusion: that he was struggling and I was the one with money to spare. As one of his own relatives said, “He’s never given me that impression. Quite the opposite. He’s always made out he’s broke. Thinks XXXXXXXX and I are loaded — while XXXXXXXXX working 9-hour days at 72!”

Let that sink in.

And while I rushed to the airport during a family emergency, shaken and worried, the only message I received from him was:
“Linda, you have to transfer money into the joint account.”

No concern for my grandson. No care for me. Just another withdrawal — not from a bank account, but from my emotional and financial well-being.

💔 This is what financial abuse looks like:

• You contribute to the bills, but they act like they own the house.
• They build their image on your labour and your resources.
• They manipulate you into joint accounts, credit cards, loans — then guilt-trip you for saying no.
• Emergencies are not seen as your distress — only opportunities to gain more control.
• You’re the “lucky one,” the “working one,” the “strong one” — until you stop giving.

🌪 The Psychology Behind It

Financial abuse is one of the least talked about yet most powerful tools of control in emotionally abusive relationships. Why? Because it slowly erodes autonomy, self-worth, and freedom without leaving visible bruises.

Narcissistic or manipulative individuals often use financial dependence as a strategy:

• To create imbalance in power.
• To mask their own irresponsibility behind a false public narrative.
• To discredit the survivor when the truth comes out: “She’s just bitter because I stopped supporting her.”

But here’s the truth:
I was supporting him — financially, emotionally, logistically — for years.
And like many survivors, I didn’t even realize how deep it ran until I stepped back.

✊ If this resonates with you, you’re not alone.

You’re not “too generous.” You’re not “bad with money.”
You’re not imagining things.

You were used.

But you are not broken.

🔥 What to Watch For (Financial Abuse Checklist):

• 💸 One-sided joint accounts
• 💳 Pressure to share credit or take out loans in your name
• 🧾 Guilt-tripping or threats when you set financial boundaries
• 🧍Being left with all the bills while they spend freely
• 🫥 Misrepresentation of their own finances to outsiders
• 💔 Sudden financial demands during moments of emotional crisis

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💬 Final Word:

If someone only values you for what you can give — and punishes you when you stop giving — that’s not love. That’s exploitation.

You deserve a life where your money, your energy, and your love are valued — not drained.
You worked hard for your security. Don’t let anyone steal your peace with their entitlement.

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