In just eight months of freedom, I’ve lived more joy, laughter, connection, and genuine presence than in over 32 years of a relationship that quietly, systematically drained the life out of me.
I didn’t ask for diamonds. I wasn’t expecting five-star holidays or lavish surprises. All I wanted were the simple, meaningful moments that make life feel worth living — a meal shared, a walk by the sea, the joy of trying something new, the warmth of laughter over lunch.
And yet, for over three decades, even those things were “too much trouble.”
His needs always came first. Mine were inconvenient, an afterthought. If I dared to ask, I was selfish. If I expressed my desires, I was dismissed. That’s the nature of emotional abuse — it doesn’t always scream. Sometimes, it silences through apathy, avoidance, and making you feel like you’re the problem for even wanting more.
But now?
Now, I am free — and in the past eight months, I’ve done more living than I ever thought possible.
🌟 I’ve had Sunday lunch out — twice! A simple thing, yes, but something I was never offered in decades of marriage.
🌟 I enjoyed Chateaubriand, my all-time favorite dish, cooked to perfection at the table.
🌟 I’ve dined at one of the most exclusive restaurants in my local town — and I felt worthy of every bite, every moment.
🌟 I shared fresh lobster with a friend, the kind of indulgence that used to feel out of reach — emotionally, not financially.
🌟 I took padel lessons (something he always scoffed at) and now play with friends who uplift me.
🌟 I’ve swum in the sea with friends, feeling the salt on my skin and the sunshine in my heart.
🌟 I’ve had mind-blowing, deeply connected intimate moments — the kind that feel sacred, not transactional.
🌟 I’ve been cooked for by someone who wanted to delight me with good food and good company.
And the list keeps growing.
Every one of these moments has been a quiet revolution — a reclaiming of the life I was told I wasn’t allowed to have.
From a Psychological Perspective
What happens in emotionally abusive relationships is often subtle but devastating. Over time, the abuser doesn’t just control you — they erase you. Your preferences are ignored, your needs minimized, your voice softened into silence.
You stop asking.
You stop trying.
You start to believe that maybe this is all you deserve.
This is how emotional abuse manipulates the nervous system. You live in a chronic state of fight, flight, or freeze — always trying to “keep the peace,” always anticipating rejection or invalidation. Eventually, your system numbs itself. Joy feels dangerous. Desire feels like rebellion.
But healing?
Healing brings your body and mind back to life.
And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.
Pleasure is Therapy. Joy is Medicine. Freedom is Everything.
These dinners, swims, games, laughs — they aren’t indulgences. They are reparations. They are the nervous system saying, “It’s safe now. You can come back.”
To anyone still in that place of suppression, please hear me:
You are not asking for too much.
You are not difficult.
You are not a burden.
You’re just a person whose light was dimmed by someone who couldn’t handle it. And you can get out. You can thrive. You can reclaim every single thing you were once told you didn’t deserve.
Because in just eight months of real love — from friends, from the world, and from myself — I’ve experienced more of life than in 32 years of endurance.
And I’m only just getting started.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
