There’s a unique kind of heartbreak that comes not just from betrayal—but from the silent knowing that others knewlong before you did.
Looking back now, I see it.
The quiet distance from his children, sitting on the beach with barely a word for me…
The couple who stayed at the hotel, observing with tight smiles and careful glances…
The so-called friend who once said, “I never understood what you two were doing together—he’s nothing to look at,” before casually asking, “But does he have money?”
And the one who mentioned he kept giving the same person lifts home from tennis in Benissa—the same town where, in April 2024, he admitted his girlfriend lived.
Maybe I was the last to know.
Maybe I was the only one who didn’t want to see.
But let’s be clear—this was never just about a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. Or whoever may have come in between.
This isn’t a love triangle.
It’s not a soap opera.
It’s long-term psychological abuse that escalated into emotional terrorism—and eventually, violence.
And nothing excuses that.
Not infidelity.
Not unhappiness.
Not misunderstandings.
Nothing.
🧠Psychological Insight: The Hidden Patterns of Covert Abuse
In abusive dynamics, it’s common for survivors to feel like they’re the last to know what’s really going on. This is because abusers often rely on isolation and manipulation—not just of their partners, but of the narrative around them. They charm others, control the storyline, and paint their partners as unstable, jealous, or dramatic when the cracks begin to show.
Meanwhile, subtle social cues begin to emerge:
- Friends pull away or seem uncomfortable.
- Family members act distant or offer backhanded comments.
- People you trusted drop hints that, in hindsight, now scream truth.
But when you’re living in a fog of psychological control, you cling to hope. You make excuses. You believe love can fix it. That tomorrow will be better. That you’re imagining things. That he wouldn’t…
But he did.
And they knew.
And yet, you survived.
🔥 This Isn’t About a Third Party. This Is About Abuse.
So, let’s not reduce this to gossip or scandal. What happened to me—and to countless others—was a gradual erosion of safety, identity, and self-worth at the hands of someone who manipulated, isolated, and harmed.
Abuse is never justified by who someone is or isn’t seeing on the side.
The presence of another person doesn’t cause abuse.
The abuser causes abuse.
đź’¬ If You’re Reading This…
You may be questioning your own memories, replaying conversations, analyzing glances, trying to piece together a puzzle that no longer fits.
You might feel foolish for not seeing it sooner, for believing in someone who was never who they claimed to be.
Please hear this: That doesn’t make you naive. That makes you human.
Abusers often wear masks so well, even the ones closest to them don’t see the cracks until it’s too late. But your power lies in what you do next.
And if you’ve walked away—or are even just starting to acknowledge the truth—you are already doing the bravest thing imaginable.
đź’– A Final Word
This isn’t about revenge. It’s not about “the other woman or man ” or even about what was hidden.
It’s about refusing to carry shame for their behavior.
It’s about reclaiming your story and your dignity.
It’s about saying, “There was never an excuse for the abuse I endured.”
You may have been the last to know,
But now, you are the first to heal.
And that, my friend, is where the real story begins.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
