This is not about perfection — it’s about alignment, emotional safety, and the capacity for growth and repair.
1. 💡 Values & Life Vision
- Do we share core values (e.g., honesty, loyalty, family, personal growth)?
- Are our long-term life visions aligned — or are we hoping the other will eventually change?
- Can I see this person being part of my life not just in the good moments, but during real-life challenges?
- Do they respect what matters most to me — even if it’s not what matters most to them?
2. 🧠 Emotional Intelligence & Self-Awareness
- Does this person demonstrate self-awareness and take responsibility for their actions?
- Do they know how to name and process their emotions — or do they avoid, suppress, or explode?
- How do they handle feedback, disagreement, or criticism? Can we disagree without fear?
- Are they emotionally available and capable of intimacy, or do they keep emotional walls up?
3. 🫂 Attachment Style & Relational Needs
- How does my attachment style show up with this person (secure, anxious, avoidant, disorganized)?
- Do I feel soothed or activated in their presence?
- Do we have compatible emotional needs — and can we meet them for each other without self-abandoning?
- Can I be authentically me without fearing rejection or abandonment?
4. 🧘 Nervous System Regulation & Conflict Response
- Do we both know how to regulate ourselves during stress or conflict, or do things escalate quickly?
- Do we repair after arguments, or leave things unresolved?
- Is there emotional safety when we’re triggered, or does it feel dangerous to be vulnerable?
- Can I express sadness, anger, or fear without being shamed, dismissed, or manipulated?
5. 🗣️ Communication Styles
- Can we talk openly about needs, fears, and desires — without judgment or shutdown?
- Do I feel listened to, not just heard? Are my words held with care?
- How does this person handle silence or space — with respect, or with guilt-tripping or withdrawal?
- Is there mutual curiosity, or does one of us tend to dominate emotionally or intellectually?
6. 🛡️ Boundaries & Autonomy
- Can we each maintain a sense of self and independence, or is there a pull toward enmeshment or control?
- Do they support my friendships, interests, and goals — or subtly discourage or devalue them?
- Are they comfortable with my “no,” or do they push back against boundaries?
- Do I feel the freedom to speak up, or do I still feel the need to protect their feelings at the cost of my own truth?
7. 🧩 Compatibility in Beliefs, Lifestyles, and Habits
- Do we have similar or compatible routines, attitudes toward health, finances, spirituality, etc.?
- Are there lifestyle clashes that might create friction long-term (e.g., parenting styles, money habits)?
- Are we both open to compromise without resentment?
- Can we appreciate each other’s differences without trying to change each other?
8. 💗 Trust, Integrity & Vulnerability
- Do I trust them with my emotional world?
- Are they honest, even when it’s uncomfortable?
- Do they keep promises, show consistency, and behave in ways that earn trust over time?
- Can I let my guard down with them — or do I still feel like I need to monitor myself?
9. 🌼 Healing Capacity & Growth Orientation
- Are they committed to their own growth, therapy, healing, or self-reflection?
- Do we both have the capacity to evolve, or is one person emotionally stagnant?
- Is there mutual support for healing old wounds — without expecting the other to fix us?
- Do they empower me to be my best self, or trigger me into shrinking?
10. 🕊️ Peace, Joy & Nervous System Safety
- Do I feel calm and grounded with them — or do I constantly feel on edge?
- Does my inner child feel safe here — not just my adult self?
- Do I like who I am in this relationship?
- Is this connection nourishing… or depleting?
✨ Closing Reflection:
“Compatibility is not about matching perfectly — it’s about how two people dance through their differences, regulate through their triggers, and show up with honesty, compassion, and respect.”
