When an Abuser Controls the Narrative and Shuts You Out
A post for anyone who’s been left confused, unheard, and doubting their own truth.
You ask a question, and it’s met with silence.
You try to clarify something, and you’re told “That’s not how it happened.”
You bring up a concern, and you’re met with a sigh, a smirk, or worse — days of being ignored.
Then comes the spin:
🗣️ “You’re being dramatic.”
🗣️ “You always twist things.”
🗣️ “You’re second-guessing everything — maybe you should look at yourself.”
Sound familiar?
This isn’t a communication issue.
This is a manipulation tactic — one that’s designed to undermine your sense of reality and keep control over the emotional narrative.
🔍 What’s Really Going On Here?
Let’s break this down.
When someone:
- Ignores your questions for days
- Refuses to give you direct answers
- Constantly retells events through their own lens
- Tells you you’re confused, crazy, or overreacting
They’re not just being “difficult.”
They’re engaging in a form of gaslighting and emotional coercion.
This tactic works by creating chronic uncertainty. You become so focused on getting clarity, so anxious about whether you’re overreacting, that you stop trusting your own mind.
This is called cognitive dissonance — when your brain tries to reconcile two conflicting beliefs:
🧠“This feels wrong.”
🧠“But they’re telling me it’s not.”
🧠“So… maybe it’s me?”
🧠The Neuroscience Behind Why It Hurts So Much
When you’re consistently ignored or invalidated:
- Your nervous system enters a state of fight, flight, or freeze.
- Your amygdala activates, sensing threat and emotional abandonment.
- Your prefrontal cortex (responsible for reasoning) gets overwhelmed.
- Your brain starts rewiring itself to prioritize their version of events — just to avoid conflict.
This is not weakness. It’s survival.
Over time, you learn to doubt your intuition and silence your inner voice. That’s the real cost of this kind of abuse: you lose you.
💔 It’s Not Just “Mixed Signals” — It’s Control
Let’s be very clear:
Silence is a form of punishment.
Refusing to give clear answers is a way to maintain power.
Rewriting history is a strategy to keep you confused.
This isn’t about misunderstanding.
It’s about making you question your perception so much that you become dependent on theirs.
đź’ˇ The Psychological Impact
Victims of this kind of manipulation often:
- Walk on eggshells, terrified of asking the “wrong” question
- Feel like they’re going mad or imagining things
- Apologize constantly, just to avoid silence or rejection
- Stop bringing up their needs entirely
This is exactly what the abuser wants: silence, submission, and control.
🌱 So How Do You Begin to Heal?
- Validate Your Feelings
If something felt off, it was off. You don’t need permission to trust your gut. - Name the Pattern
Recognizing the cycle — silent treatment, gaslighting, narrative spinning — is the first step to breaking it. - Reconnect to Your Truth
Journal your memories, talk to safe people, or work with a trauma-informed therapist to reconnect with what really happened. - Set Boundaries (Even Internally)
If you can’t go no contact yet, begin emotionally detaching. Stop explaining yourself to someone who’s committed to misunderstanding you. - Know You’re Not Alone
So many survivors carry the same confusion and guilt. Speaking your truth — even quietly — starts to unbind that shame.
✨ Final Words
If you’re reading this and it resonates, know this:
It wasn’t “just you.”
You weren’t too sensitive.
You didn’t deserve the silence, the spin, or the self-doubt.
You were gaslit by someone who benefitted from your confusion. And now — you’re waking up.
Healing starts when you stop chasing answers from someone who was never going to give them.
And instead?
You turn inward, and remember:
💛 You’ve always had the truth inside you.
#EmotionalAbuseAwareness #GaslightingSurvivor #CoerciveControl #NeuroscienceOfAbuse #SilentTreatmentIsAbuse #TrustYourGut #RelationshipTrauma #ComplexPTSDRecovery #TruthHeals #YouAreNotCrazy #ReclaimYourVoice #PsychologicalAbuse
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
