For three decades, they thought they had me figured out. They believed they were clever, that they were orchestrating the narrative. But in truth? They weren’t playing me. They were playing themselves.
Because after all that time, they never truly knew me.
Not my passions.
Not what made me laugh.
Not what brought me peace.
Not what broke my heart.
They never asked, never noticed, never cared to discover the depth of the person beside them. That’s not love. That’s possession. That’s control wrapped in the illusion of closeness.
And here’s the truth that many survivors of emotional neglect and abuse eventually realize: you can sleep next to someone for decades, and they can still be a stranger to your soul. You can share a home, a family, and a life—and they might still only ever see the version of you that served their ego, their needs, their image.
💔 But not the real you.
And sometimes, a person can walk into your life—after the wreckage, after the healing begins—and in just a few weeks, they can see you. They listen. They ask. They feel you. Not because they’re special, but because they are present.
🧠 The Neuroscience of Emotional Neglect
Emotionally neglectful or self-centered partners often activate chronic stress pathways in the brain—especially the amygdala, which is responsible for threat detection. When your emotional needs are repeatedly dismissed or ignored, the brain starts to anticipate rejection as a baseline. You might begin to doubt your own worth, suppress your desires, and even forget what brings you joy.
Over time, neural pruning (the brain’s way of removing unused connections) means your sense of self can begin to shrink—not because you’re weak, but because you’re surviving.
But here’s the beautiful part: the brain is neuroplastic. Which means it can change. Even after decades.
When someone finally sees you, validates you, and holds space for your emotions, your brain begins to rewire. The prefrontal cortex (the part responsible for decision-making, self-reflection, and regulation) wakes up again. You start to reclaim your identity. And you realize…
✨You were never the problem.
✨You were never “too much” or “not enough.”
✨You were simply unseen by someone who never tried to look.
🔍 Misjudged, Misunderstood, but Never Broken
Being misunderstood for years doesn’t mean you’re unknowable. It means the person beside you wasn’t willing to learn. They were too preoccupied with their own reflection to see the beauty, intelligence, depth, and fire standing right in front of them.
Missed opportunities? Certainly—for them.
But not for you. Because every time they failed to see you, life was patiently waiting to introduce you to yourself.
🌱 A Final Thought for Anyone Healing:
If someone new sees more of you in weeks than someone did in decades, that’s not a coincidence. That’s called emotional presence. That’s called mutual respect. That’s called being awake.
And most importantly—it’s a reminder that you are deeply lovable, just as you are.
Not for how well you perform.
Not for how quiet you can be.
Not for how long you tolerate neglect.
But for your real, raw, radiant self.
💬 Have you ever felt more seen by someone you barely knew than someone you spent years with? You’re not alone. And it’s never too late to rediscover who you really are. #HealingJourney #EmotionalAbuseAwareness #NeuroscienceOfHealing #SelfWorth #LindaCJTurnerTherapy
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
