Sometimes, someone walks into your life and, in the space of just a few moments, shows you everything you didn’t even realize you were missing.
They look into your eyes — not with suspicion, judgment, or calculation — but with softness. Kindness. Warmth. When they hold your face gently in their hands and kiss you not out of duty, not out of control, but with passion, presence, and real feeling… something stirs inside. Something wakes up. Something that’s been buried for far too long.
They ask you simple things — What do you want to do? Where would you like to go? What would you like to eat? — and suddenly you realize how long it’s been since anyone truly asked you. Cared about your choices. Valued your voice.
They move beside you in the kitchen without fanfare. Just helping. No sighs. No sarcastic remarks. No guilt-tripping. They want to share the everyday moments with you — cooking, sitting quietly, reaching for you in the middle of the night just to hold you close.
There are no spreadsheets tallying your worth. No judgment over how many glasses of wine you’ve had. No passive-aggressive remarks about your spending. No invisible scoreboard keeping track of what you “owe.”
Instead, there is presence. There is care. There is a genuine, uncomplicated desire to simply be with you.
And then it hits you — this, this, is what was missing for decades.
You had accepted so much cruelty, control, and conditional affection as “normal.” You tolerated harsh words, judgment, emotional manipulation — all under the guise of love. And because it was drip-fed over years, you adjusted. You shrank. You managed. You forgot what tenderness even felt like.
From a psychological perspective, this is known as trauma bonding and emotional numbing. When we’re in long-term abusive relationships, especially those that involve coercive control, we begin to normalize dysfunction. Our nervous systems adapt to survive. We stop expecting kindness. We dismiss our own needs. We become hyper-aware of keeping the peace and avoiding punishment.
So when someone finally shows up with genuine care, it feels both unfamiliar and deeply healing.
This isn’t about needing another person to complete us. It’s about realizing what true connection feels like after being denied it for so long. It’s about learning to trust again — ourselves first, and then others. It’s about recognizing that love isn’t supposed to hurt. Real love nourishes.
If you are just now discovering this — either through a new relationship or simply through reconnecting with yourself — know that you are not alone. Many survivors of emotional abuse come to this moment and grieve what was lost, while also welcoming what is now possible.
Let this serve as a reminder:
Love should never feel like walking on eggshells.
You are allowed to be seen.
You are allowed to feel safe.
You are allowed to receive.
You are allowed to be cherished.
Healing is a homecoming. And love — the real kind — is one of the most beautiful signs that you’ve made it.
#HealingAfterAbuse #EmotionalAbuseRecovery #RealLoveFeelsSafe #TraumaInformedHealing #YouDeserveGentleness #FreedomFeelsLikeThis
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
