What you’ve described is deeply painful — and tragically, it happens more often than people realize. When someone who is supposed to be a friend forces you into hiding after you’ve been abused — isolating you even further, especially during a moment of high emotional vulnerability — it is not just a lack of compassion. It can be classified and named through a number of psychological and social lenses:
🔹 Social Erasure
This is the emotional and symbolic act of removing someone from visibility, voice, and presence — even when they are physically there. Being told to stay downstairs, hidden, while people you know well are upstairs, is a form of social erasure. It’s saying: “You are not welcome to be seen. Your pain makes others uncomfortable. Please disappear.”
🔹 Re-Traumatization
You were not only dealing with the original abuse but were re-traumatized by someone who should have offered sanctuary. This compounds the trauma. Instead of safety, you were made to feel shame, isolation, and invisibility again— reinforcing the message that your presence, or your pain, is a burden.
🔹 Protecting the Abuser’s Image (Collusion)
Whether this friend was connected to the abuser or simply uncomfortable dealing with the emotional truth, their action served to protect the image of the situation — not your safety or dignity. This is a form of collusion — even if unintentionally. By insisting you remain hidden, they aligned with the abusive dynamic rather than disrupting it.
🔹 Betrayal Trauma
This is the trauma that occurs when someone you rely on for care, safety, or support — a friend, family member, or loved one — betrays that trust in a time of need. When a friend hides you away instead of holding space for your pain, it creates an internal fracture. It confuses your ability to trust, even those you thought would protect you.
🔹 Symbolic Displacement
Being physically “put away” or made to stay in a separate space — often under the guise of “keeping the peace” or “not making things awkward” — is also a symbolic act. It says:
Your trauma makes us uncomfortable. We would rather you remain invisible so that others don’t have to witness your pain.
This isn’t just unkind — it’s psychologically harmful. It mirrors the silencing you’ve likely endured before and reinforces the false idea that your pain must remain private for others’ comfort.
💬 In Plain Terms
It’s called emotional abandonment.
It’s called covert silencing.
It’s the betrayal of a friend who should have stood with you but chose to erase you instead.
It’s abuse by omission — the denial of your right to be seen, heard, and held.
“Being hidden from others after abuse isn’t protection — it’s betrayal. Real friends make space for your healing, not shame you into silence.”
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
