By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate
They say love is patient, kind, and supportive.
But what happens when the person who once said “I love you” begins to dismantle your life piece by piece — emotionally, financially, and psychologically?
That’s not love.
That’s control.
That’s abuse.
And when it’s masked under the language of affection or legality, it can be even more damaging.
“I Still Love You” — But At What Cost?
When someone claims to still love you, but their actions tell a different story, you are left not just heartbroken — you are gaslit. The confusion of conflicting messages is no accident. It is a tactic of emotional manipulation, designed to destabilize and disempower you.
Here’s what love does not look like:
- Leaving outstanding debts in your name.
- Refusing to pay for shared household expenses — even while continuing to live in the home.
- Forcing you to cancel health insurance you once relied on, because they refused to contribute.
- Letting essential bills like water and electricity fall to you — despite their continued use.
- Sending legal threats that imply you are entitled to nothing.
- Turning their children or family against you.
- Using others to send hostile or offensive messages to silence or shame you.
- Lying under oath and submitting false statements about your character.
None of these actions reflect love. They reflect entitlement, ego, and a desperate attempt to avoid accountability.
The Psychology Behind It
People who behave this way often operate from a deep need for control, not connection. In relationships involving narcissistic or emotionally abusive patterns, once the partner begins to break away or speak up, the abuser’s mask begins to slip.
Psychologically, such individuals may:
- Feel threatened by your independence.
- Engage in financial abuse to keep you dependent or destabilized.
- Use manipulation tactics such as guilt-tripping, threats, or legal intimidation to maintain control.
- Fear exposure — and therefore lie or twist facts to protect their public image.
- Use children or mutual acquaintances as tools to hurt or punish you.
These behaviors are not mistakes. They are deliberate strategies rooted in a need to avoid consequences and maintain dominance, even after the relationship ends.
The Turning Point: Rebuilding with Support and Truth
Despite the destruction left in the wake of these behaviors, there is light.
Thanks to the kindness and strength of your daughter, you’ve started to rebuild — financially and emotionally. This is a profound act of love. Genuine love lifts, it doesn’t leave.
To get financially back on your feet after being left with bills, cancelled policies, and no support — takes enormous courage and grace.
To speak your truth when lies were told under oath — is a testament to your resilience.
To reclaim your peace after threats and intimidation — is victory.
What Survivors Need to Know
If you are reading this and feel a familiar sting in your heart, know this:
- You are not crazy. People who love you don’t abandon you financially or emotionally.
- Financial abuse is real — and it’s a form of domestic abuse.
- You are not alone. Many survivors rebuild with the help of others who see through the lies.
- Truth does not need to shout. It stands, quietly but powerfully — and eventually, it is seen.
A Final Word
Someone who loved you wouldn’t have left you scrambling to pay off bills while they lived in comfort.
They wouldn’t use your own family against you.
They wouldn’t turn a courtroom into a stage for fiction.
Real love doesn’t destroy.
Real love doesn’t threaten.
Real love doesn’t leave you in ruins to save itself.
You’ve come this far — and you are rising, not just because the lies are exposed, but because you are living in truth.
That’s where real power lies.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
