By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate
Today, my daughter and I shared a long, emotional, and beautiful conversation — the kind of conversation we used to only dream about. We talked about the impact of controlling relationships and how deeply they had shaped our thinking without us even realizing it at times.
For the first time in years, we can spend family time together freely, without guilt, without fear, and without that tight knot in the stomach waiting for an inevitable explosion.
We can just be — laughing, sharing, loving — feeling safe in each other’s company.
It feels like a miracle. And yet, in reality, it’s simply what healthy families experience naturally every day — something many people take for granted.
At one point, we both paused and reflected:
“This… this is normal. This is how it should have always been.”
For years, both of us had been conditioned to believe that wanting to see our own family was something that required permission — that it was something selfish, disloyal, or even dangerous. We had been subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) taught that love must come with conditions, monitoring, and control.
Psychologically, when someone is in a controlling or abusive relationship — whether romantic, parental, or otherwise — the very wiring of the brain changes. Neuroscience shows us that chronic emotional abuse impacts the amygdala(the brain’s fear center), making it hyperreactive. It keeps you in a permanent state of “fight, flight, or freeze.” Over time, you begin to second-guess yourself, suppress your needs, and live in constant vigilance, always preparing for the next unpredictable outburst.
You start internalizing control, regulating yourself long after the controller is gone.
This is the hallmark of coercive control:
- You stop trusting your own judgment.
- You believe you need permission to make personal choices.
- You associate normal, healthy actions — like visiting loved ones — with danger or guilt.
But healing is possible.
And it’s happening — slowly, gently, joyfully — between my daughter and me.
Together, we are rewiring our brains.
Laughter is therapy.
Freedom is medicine.
Love, real love — unconditional, open-hearted love — is the great healer.
We are learning to live like adults again:
- With healthy autonomy.
- With strong, clear boundaries.
- With the full understanding that we owe no one explanations for living our lives in peace.
Most importantly, we are relearning that love is not control. Love is freedom.
If you are recovering from a controlling relationship, know this: the invisible chains can feel heavier than any physical barrier. But with time, with support, and with self-compassion, you can reclaim your mind, your body, and your life. Neuroplasticity — the brain’s beautiful ability to change — is on your side.
Every smile, every moment of spontaneous joy, every decision you make for yourself is a victory over that old programming.
Today, my daughter and I are not just surviving.
We are thriving.
And we are free.
Healing is a journey, not a destination — and it’s so, so worth it.
#HealingJourney #FreedomAfterAbuse #FamilyLove #NeuroscienceOfHealing #BreakingTheCycle
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
