By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate

Spoiling Yourself with Cosmetic Surgery and Aesthetic Treatments After Abuse Isn’t Wrong

When someone survives emotional, physical, or psychological abuse, the scars they carry are often much deeper than those visible to the outside world. Healing after abuse is a deeply personal journey, and it involves not only tending to the wounds within but sometimes also reconnecting with the body — the very vessel that carried them through it all.

From a psychological point of view, choosing to invest in cosmetic surgery or aesthetic treatments after abuse is not a sign of vanity or superficiality. In fact, it can be a powerful, symbolic step toward reclaiming self-worth, autonomy, and joy.

The Body Keeps the Score

Research in trauma psychology, notably by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, shows that trauma lives not just in our minds but in our bodies. Survivors often describe feeling disconnected from their physical selves — as if their body is a reminder of what they endured. In cases of prolonged abuse, a person may feel alienated from their own reflection, seeing not themselves but the pain they lived through.

Choosing to enhance one’s appearance, whether through surgery, skincare, or any other form of self-care, can be an act of reclaiming agency. It says: This body is mine. I get to decide how it looks. I get to decide how I feel about it.

Self-Care is Self-Love

For many survivors, abuse came with a constant undercurrent of being made to feel “not good enough” — not attractive enough, not worthy enough, not lovable enough. These beliefs often take root, even long after the abuser is gone.

Indulging in cosmetic treatments can be a way of nurturing the self, much like planting a garden after a storm. It isn’t about erasing the past or denying the natural beauty that was always there; it’s about honoring the right to feel beautiful again — or perhaps for the first time.

When done for the right reasons — to honor yourself, not to meet someone else’s expectations — these decisions can be profoundly healing.

The Power of Choice

One of the cruellest parts of abuse is the way it strips away choice. Victims are often controlled, manipulated, and made to feel powerless. Psychological recovery is, in many ways, about restoring the freedom to choose.

Cosmetic surgery and aesthetic treatments are personal choices. They offer survivors a way to consciously shape how they move through the world, how they express themselves, and how they see themselves in the mirror.

It’s not about changing for others; it’s about making choices that feel good for the survivor — choices rooted in self-respect, not shame.

The Importance of Intent

Psychologically, the intention behind cosmetic changes matters greatly. If the motivation comes from a place of self-love, empowerment, and healing, the emotional outcomes are usually very positive. It reinforces a healthy, nurturing relationship with oneself.

However, if the motivation is rooted in self-loathing or in a desperate attempt to “be enough” for someone else, it may lead to disappointment. This is why many therapists encourage survivors to explore their motivations honestly and compassionately before undergoing any procedures — not to discourage them, but to support them in making empowered, joyful choices.

Healing Looks Different for Everyone

There is no one-size-fits-all path to healing. For some, healing means writing, talking, or creating art. For others, it may mean traveling, starting a new career, or simply finding peace in a quiet life. And for many, it means looking in the mirror and finally seeing someone they love smiling back — even if it took a little help to get there.

In the end, spoiling yourself with aesthetic treatments isn’t vain. It’s not wrong. It’s an act of sovereignty — a way of saying, I deserve to feel good. I deserve to love myself.

After surviving abuse, you deserve to give yourself whatever tools you need to feel powerful, beautiful, and whole again.

You are allowed to glow. You are allowed to spoil yourself. You are allowed to heal in your own, magnificent way.

— Linda C J Turner

Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment