By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate
Abuse doesn’t always end with the abuser. Sometimes, the more devastating betrayal comes from those you least expect—family who choose silence, denial, or outright complicity over truth and protection. Whether it’s out of fear, loyalty, self-preservation, or even greed, their collusion can have life-altering consequences for the victim.
In many cases, survivors are not only forced to endure emotional, psychological, or physical abuse from a partner but are also re-traumatized by a collective silence — what trauma specialists often refer to as “betrayal trauma.” In legal terms, however, there are darker layers still: when financial motives enter the picture, particularly involving inheritance, a web of manipulation and coercion can take on criminal dimensions.
Collective Gaslighting: Abuse by Silence
Family collusion often takes the form of what’s known as collective gaslighting—a psychological tactic where multiple people deny a victim’s experience, minimize their suffering, or shift the blame back onto them. It might sound like:
- “I’m sure they didn’t mean it that way.”
- “You’re overreacting again.”
- “It’s in the past—why can’t you just move on?”
These phrases may seem mild, but for a person already living with PTSD, anxiety, or suicidal ideation, they feel like a punch to the gut. When you are screaming out for help and the people closest to you turn their heads or imply it’s your fault, it reaffirms what your abuser always wanted you to believe: that no one will believe you, and you are utterly alone.
When Silence Has a Motive: The Legal Implications
What’s often even more disturbing is when family members have something to gain from your suffering—or even your death.
🔹 Inheritance and Financial Manipulation
In cases involving estranged partners, long-term relationships, or contested wills, money can become a powerful and sinister motivator. If a person stands to gain from the death of the victim—through changes in a will, joint assets, or inheritance—they may consciously or unconsciously choose silence in the face of abuse. In extreme cases, they may actively isolate the victim, knowing that doing so increases the chance of a mental health breakdown—or worse.
This kind of behavior, while morally reprehensible, can also have serious legal ramifications:
- Failure to Protect: In some jurisdictions, if it can be shown that someone knowingly enabled abuse or neglect—especially if the victim was vulnerable due to mental illness, age, or disability—they may be held legally responsible under duty-of-care laws.
- Assisting Suicide / Criminal Negligence: While it’s rare and difficult to prove, there are legal cases where individuals have been investigated or prosecuted for psychological abuse that contributed to suicide, particularly when financial motives were involved.
- Emotional Abuse and Coercive Control Laws: Countries like the UK, Ireland, and parts of Australia now recognize coercive control as a form of domestic abuse. If family members or friends participate in this pattern—either by isolating the victim, spreading false narratives, or using access to children, money, or property as a weapon—they may face civil or criminal consequences.
The Psychological Toll: It’s Not Just Abuse—It’s Soul Murder
When survivors are pushed to the edge—especially when suicidal thoughts are involved—the role of enablers becomes impossible to ignore. This is abuse by proxy, and it has a name in clinical psychology: institutional betrayal or relational betrayal trauma.
Victims often describe this as worse than the original abuse, because it confirms the most terrifying fear of all: “No one is coming to save me.”
In these moments, silence becomes complicity. And when there’s money on the line—particularly if someone stands to inherit assets or property—that silence can become a weapon.
Let’s be brutally honest: Some people may prefer you dead if it means they gain control, money, or peace of mind. This is one of the most horrifying truths survivors face.
What Can You Do if You Suspect Financially Motivated Abuse or Collusion?
- Start Documenting Immediately: Keep detailed records—screenshots, voice recordings (if legal in your jurisdiction), emails, and written notes. Particularly note any instances where your mental health was weaponized or when you were pressured about legal/financial decisions.
- Tell Someone You Trust: Even one trusted therapist, doctor, or support worker who has a record of what you’re experiencing can make a difference—especially if you’re later involved in legal disputes.
- Seek Legal Advice Early: If a will has been changed under suspicious circumstances, or you suspect coercive control or undue influence, talk to a solicitor or advocate who specializes in family law, elder abuse, or domestic violence cases.
- Protect Your Digital and Legal Footprint: Make sure someone trusted knows where your important documents are. Consider setting up a “when I’m gone” file to protect your wishes if you feel under threat.
- Stay Connected: Isolation is the number one weapon of abusers and enablers. Don’t underestimate the power of peer support groups, especially those familiar with narcissistic or covert abuse.
Final Thoughts: Silence Isn’t Neutral—It’s a Choice
When families remain silent in the face of abuse—especially when there is a clear financial incentive—they are not neutral. They are making a devastating choice. Whether they realize it or not, they are participating in the destruction of someone’s life and legacy.
If you’re a survivor reading this: you are not imagining things. You are not overreacting. And your life matters far more than anything you might leave behind.
The bravest thing you can do now is protect your truth, your peace, and your future—because the silence you’re hearing is not your fault. But how you rise in the face of it? That’s where your power lies.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
