By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate
Psychological Insights Into Emotional Sabotage
We all have moments where we want to share something beautiful.
A moment of pride.
A bit of good news.
A celebration, big or small.
And then it happens — you tell someone, and in an instant… the energy dies.
The smile slips.
The sparkle dulls.
The joy, gone.
Enter: The Killjoy.
🧠 Who Is the Killjoy — and Why Do They Do It?
From a psychological lens, killjoys are often individuals who have an unresolved relationship with their own emotions, particularly envy, inadequacy, or a deep discomfort with vulnerability. When others express joy, love, or success, it reminds them of what they lack — or of emotions they’ve long buried.
So they respond not with warmth, but with: – Eye-rolls
– Sarcasm
– Dismissive comments
– Guilt-tripping
– Turning the moment around to be about them
They don’t say, “I’m proud of you.”
They say, “Must be nice.”
Or worse — they say nothing at all.
It’s passive-aggressive.
It’s emotionally manipulative.
And it’s deeply damaging.
💣 The Psychological Impact on You
Repeated exposure to this kind of behavior can rewire your brain’s emotional response system. You begin to associate: – Joy with punishment
– Pride with criticism
– Expression with danger
Your nervous system goes into protection mode: – You tone yourself down
– You shrink your wins
– You avoid celebrations
– You stop feeling in advance — just in case it’s taken away
This is not “being dramatic.”
This is trauma.
This is learned emotional suppression born from repeated invalidation.
👀 But What Makes a Killjoy Tick?
Killjoys are often: – Emotionally immature
– Raised in environments where joy was unsafe
– Conditioned to compete rather than connect
– Threatened by authenticity because they never learned how to embrace their own
They may not be intentionally cruel — but they are emotionally unavailable to celebrate anyone but themselves, and sometimes, not even that.
🛑 You Are Allowed to Outgrow Their Story
The truth is: 💛 Your joy does not need to be approved.
💛 You don’t need permission to be proud.
💛 Not everyone is meant to celebrate with you — and that’s okay.
You are allowed to: – Outgrow the killjoy
– Call it what it is: emotional sabotage
– Create new circles where joy is mutual, safe, and sacred
💬 Reflective Questions for Personal Growth
- 🌟 When was the last time I felt truly safe to celebrate myself?
- 🧡 Who are the people I can trust with my joy?
- 🔥 What joy have I dimmed to protect someone else’s comfort?
✨ To the One Who’s Had Their Joy Diminished
This is your gentle reminder:
You were never “too much.”
Your joy is not embarrassing.
Your light does not need dimming for someone else’s shadow to feel at ease.
You deserve people who clap when you win.
Who light up when you enter the room.
Who see your happiness and feel inspired, not threatened.
Killjoys may have taught you that joy is dangerous.
But the truth is — your joy is your power.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
