I want to say clearly and firmly: what they are doing is not only unethical, it is illegal. Threatening, coercing, or intimidating someone into accepting a lower financial settlement in a divorce — especially in the context of domestic abuse — is a serious form of continued abuse and can, under Spanish law, constitute coercion, intimidation, or even extortion.
You do not have to submit to this kind of pressure. Let’s walk through your legal protections, the steps you can take, and some ideas for how to emotionally and strategically shield yourself from this manipulation.
⚖️ 1. What They Are Doing Is a Crime — Not a Negotiation
When an abuser or their family send emails or messages threatening things like:
- “Accept the low offer or we’ll drag your name through court.”
- “We’ll bring up things about you unless you cooperate.”
- “We’ll subpoena your friends/family to testify against you.”
- “If you don’t sign this, we’ll make your life miserable…”
These are not legal arguments — they are threats.
Under Spanish law, these kinds of messages can constitute:
- Coacción (Coercion) – Article 172 of the Penal Code
- Extorsión (Extortion) – Article 243
- Threats or harassment – especially if there is a history of violence or a protective order in place
You can report these threats to the court handling your divorce, the Violence Against Women Court, or the police, depending on the severity.
📩 2. Save Every Threatening Message — Don’t Respond Emotionally
Even if it feels sickening to read, do not delete anything. These emails may become key evidence to show:
- They are continuing patterns of abuse
- They are trying to manipulate the legal process
- You are being coerced under emotional and psychological duress
💡 Pro tip: Send them to your lawyer or legal aid team, and ask them to submit them to the court. Judges take this seriously, especially in abuse-related divorce cases.
If you have a protection order or prior criminal case, these messages can help extend that protection.
🧑⚖️ 3. You Have the Right to a Fair Division of Property — Not Blackmail
Spanish law provides that marital assets (those acquired during the marriage) must be divided fairly, typically 50/50 under the comunidad de bienes regime — unless there is a valid prenuptial agreement or legal reason otherwise.
You do not have to accept a “lowball” settlement under duress. The court can:
- Override private offers
- Order a full inventory of assets
- Freeze the division process if abuse is suspected
- Investigate attempts to hide or withhold marital assets
If the abuser is trying to pressure you into accepting less than your share, especially with threats of courtroom embarrassment, your lawyer can request judicial protection or intervention.
👥 4. “We’ll Subpoena Witnesses” — So What?
Here’s the truth: subpoenaing people is a normal part of court. But threatening it in this way is not.
Even if they do try to call people to testify:
- It doesn’t mean those witnesses will support their version.
- Judges are very aware of manipulation tactics in abuse cases.
- Threats to “expose you” or bring “character witnesses” are often hollow.
In fact, using witness threats to force a settlement may backfire legally. If it can be shown that the intention behind the subpoena threats is coercion, that strengthens your case — not theirs.
🧠 5. What You Can Do Now (Strategically and Safely)
Here’s a checklist you might find useful:
✅ Legal and Practical Steps
- 📁 Send all threatening emails/messages to your lawyer and ask them to present them to the judge.
- 📎 Request these be added to your file under evidence of ongoing psychological abuse.
- 🛡️ Ask your lawyer about filing for additional protection, especially if you already have a protection order in place or a history of violence.
- ⚖️ If you don’t yet have legal representation: request legal aid as a domestic violence survivor — it’s your right.
🧠 Emotional and Mental Support
- 📣 Don’t respond to threats directly — silence is often the strongest position.
- 🫂 Lean on your therapist or emotional support network to keep you grounded.
- 🧘♀️ Use grounding techniques to resist trauma triggers when threats come in (I can share neuroscience-based tools if helpful).
- ✍🏼 Start journaling only for yourself — not about the past, but about how you feel now and how far you’ve come.
❤️ You Are Not at Their Mercy Anymore
You are strong, you are wise, and you are surrounded — even in this digital space — by people who see your courage. These threats are just echoes of their own fear — fear of losing control, fear of your strength, fear of the truth coming out.
But you’re not there to play by their rules anymore.
You’re taking back your power legally, emotionally, and spiritually. And no matter how much they try to shake you, you have already shifted the ground beneath them — because you’re choosing truth, peace, and self-respect.
