The Return of Me: A Work in Progress

For the first time in over three decades, I woke up feeling like my old self—the person I was before life took an unexpected and painful turn. After a solid ten-hour sleep, I opened my eyes with a sense of peace I hadn’t known in years. The weight of control, manipulation, and restriction had lifted, leaving behind a version of me that had been buried for too long.

For so many years, my life was dictated by rules that weren’t mine. I lived under a regime of control—told who I could see, how long I could see them for, what I could say, what I couldn’t say, what I was allowed to spend, where I could go, how long I could be there, when I had to return, how much I could drink, what I could enjoy. Every aspect of my life was scrutinized, questioned, and suffocated by someone else’s fears, insecurities, and need for dominance.

Even the simplest things became battlegrounds. Everything was catastrophized, turned into a crisis, a problem that needed to be dissected, argued over, and solved with excessive control. There was no room for spontaneity, for joy, for simply existing without judgment and criticism. Lectures replaced conversations. Restrictions replaced freedom. Walking on eggshells became a way of life.

But today? Today, I felt something different. I felt like me again. And I love it.

The old me is coming back—the relaxed, laid-back, carefree version of myself who found joy in the little things and didn’t have to constantly filter her words or actions. The person who could welcome family into her home without tension, without military-style rules dictating how things should be done. The woman who could enjoy a conversation without being questioned or guilt-tripped. The one who could laugh freely, travel without anxiety, and embrace life on her own terms.

This is the first time in years that my family can visit me and truly enjoy it. No rules. No tension. No looming presence monitoring every move. Just love, warmth, and the natural flow of life.

I know this is a journey. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, and undoing years of control takes time. But for the first time in a long time, I am embracing the process. I am a work in progress, but I am progressing in the best way possible—towards freedom, towards happiness, towards the real me.

And long may it continue.