In healthy relationships, social gatherings are a source of joy, connection, and support. But in abusive relationships, these events often turn into stressful, anxiety-inducing experiences designed to push friends and family away. This isolation tactic is subtle at first, but over time, it can completely cut the victim off from their support system.
This article explores:
✔️ How abusers create tension in social settings.
✔️ Real-life examples of these tactics.
✔️ The long-term effects on victims and their relationships.
✔️ How to recognize and break free from this cycle.
How Abusers Create Tension in Social Settings
Abusers know that an isolated victim is an easier victim to control. Instead of outright banning social interactions (which would be too obvious), they sabotage gatherings in ways that make friends and family feel uncomfortable, unwelcome, or pushed away.
Here’s how they do it:
1. Picking Fights Before or During Social Events
Abusers often create drama before a social gathering to:
- Make their victim too emotionally drained to attend.
- Force them to cancel plans.
- Ensure they feel guilty or anxious the entire time.
🔴 Example 1: Sarah was excited to go out for dinner with her friends. But just an hour before leaving, her husband suddenly started an argument, accusing her of “caring more about them than him.” After 30 minutes of yelling and crying, she was too upset to go and canceled.
🔴 Example 2: Mark’s girlfriend knew he was looking forward to his family reunion. Right before they left, she accused him of flirting with a co-worker the week before. He spent the whole night trying to reassure her instead of enjoying time with his family.
⏩ Result: The victim starts associating social events with stress and conflict, making them less likely to attend in the future.
2. Making Sarcastic, Rude, or Embarrassing Comments
Abusers use humiliation as a tool to make social gatherings uncomfortable.
- They might criticize the victim in front of others, disguised as “jokes.”
- They might embarrass them with personal stories or undermine them in conversations.
- They might make snide remarks about friends or family, ruining the mood.
🔴 Example 1: At a dinner party, Rachel was talking about a promotion at work. Her husband smirked and said, “Yeah, they probably just felt sorry for her.” The room went silent, and Rachel felt humiliated.
🔴 Example 2: Tom’s wife was talking to his friends at a barbecue. He walked up and loudly said, “She acts all nice, but you should see her when she’s mad—total psycho!” Everyone laughed uncomfortably, but Tom’s wife felt small and embarrassed.
⏩ Result: The victim’s self-esteem is slowly chipped away, and their friends may feel uncomfortable around the abuser, leading to fewer social invites.
3. Acting Jealous, Controlling, or Possessive
Abusers create scenes whenever their partner socializes, making them feel guilty for even talking to others.
- They accuse their partner of flirting or being too friendly.
- They physically interrupt conversations or refuse to let their partner out of their sight.
- They demand excessive check-ins if the victim goes out without them.
🔴 Example 1: Mia was chatting with an old friend at a wedding when her boyfriend suddenly grabbed her wrist and whispered, “What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to embarrass me?” She felt so anxious that she spent the rest of the night glued to his side.
🔴 Example 2: During a work event, James introduced his wife to a female coworker. She immediately grabbed his arm and said loudly, “You better not be giving her any ideas. He’s mine, sweetheart.” The coworker awkwardly walked away.
⏩ Result: The victim begins to feel anxious and guilty about socializing, eventually isolating themselves to avoid conflict.
4. Criticizing Friends & Family to Make the Victim Feel Guilty
To further drive a wedge between their victim and loved ones, abusers will:
- Complain that they don’t like certain friends or family members.
- Claim that friends are a bad influence or that family members are “toxic.”
- Play the victim and say they feel “disrespected” by certain people.
🔴 Example 1: Laura’s boyfriend constantly told her, “Your best friend doesn’t respect our relationship. She’s just jealous and trying to ruin us.” Laura started declining her friend’s invitations until they lost touch.
🔴 Example 2: Mark’s wife complained that his family “never made her feel welcome” (even though they had been nothing but kind). To “keep the peace,” he stopped inviting them over.
⏩ Result: The victim withdraws from loved ones, feeling guilty for staying in touch with them.
The Long-Term Effects of Social Isolation
Over time, these tactics lead to total social isolation. The victim experiences:
✅ Loss of friendships & family connections – People stop reaching out.
✅ Increased emotional dependence on the abuser – They become the victim’s only source of interaction.
✅ Depression, loneliness & self-doubt – The victim feels completely alone.
✅ Greater difficulty leaving the relationship – With no outside support, escaping seems impossible.
How to Recognize & Break Free from This Cycle
🔹 Trust Your Gut – If social events always lead to fights, guilt, or humiliation, it’s intentional.
🔹 Keep in Touch with Loved Ones – Even if the abuser discourages it, find small ways to maintain connections.
🔹 Set Boundaries – Let the abuser know their behavior is not acceptable and stick to your plans regardless of their protests.
🔹 Seek Support – Talking to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group can help you see the manipulation clearly.
🔹 Make an Exit Plan – If you realize you are being isolated, start planning a way out safely.
Final Thoughts
Abusers create tension in social settings to push people away and gain total control over their victim. They do this through fights, jealousy, humiliation, and manipulation—all designed to make socializing too exhausting to continue.
But you are not alone. 🌿 Isolation is reversible, and there are people who care about you, ready to help you rebuild your life.
If you recognize any of these signs, reach out to someone you trust. You deserve relationships built on respect, love, and genuine connection—not control and fear. 💜
