The Danger of Taking Sides: Why Believing an Abuser Can Cost Lives

Abuse is not a story that someone invents. It is not a game. It is not a ploy for sympathy. It is real, devastating, and often happens behind closed doors, hidden from the world. And yet, when an abuser sets out to isolate their victim, they rely on one of the most powerful weapons in their arsenal—convincing others to take their side.

When people choose to listen to the abuser, dismissing the victim’s reality, they don’t just deepen the wounds of someone already suffering—they push them further into despair.

Cutting Someone Off Could Be the Final Blow

The victim of abuse has already endured manipulation, control, gaslighting, and often years of emotional, psychological, or physical torment. When their support system begins to dwindle—when friends turn away, when family members choose not to believe them, when colleagues distance themselves—the isolation becomes unbearable.

Victims of abuse are not the ones loudly seeking control. They are not the ones demanding loyalty at the expense of truth. Those are the tactics of abusers, who systematically destroy a survivor’s credibility, painting themselves as the victim while ensuring the real victim is left alone in the dark.

And in that darkness, the struggle becomes silent. Many victims do not cry out in desperation. They simply disappear into their pain. They withdraw. And sometimes, the burden becomes too much.

The Silent Sufferers Are at Risk, Not the Abuser

The world is often quick to sympathize with a charismatic manipulator. Abusers are skilled at twisting narratives, playing the victim, and making sure they come out on top. Meanwhile, the true victim is left fighting battles that others cannot see.

Mental health crises, PTSD, depression, and suicidal thoughts are common in those who have survived abuse. But when they are abandoned by those they once trusted—when their last lifelines are cut—they become the ones most at risk. Not the abuser, who continues to thrive, shielded by those who blindly believe them.

If You Take Sides With an Abuser, You Are Enabling Harm

Before you choose to believe an abuser’s version of events, before you cut someone off based on one side of a story, consider the irreversible damage you might be causing. Ask yourself:

• Why does the abuser need to discredit someone so aggressively?
• Why does the victim have everything to lose, while the abuser stands to gain from the separation?
• Who truly benefits from isolating the victim?

Taking the side of an abuser isn’t just a betrayal—it’s a direct contribution to someone’s suffering. It could be the final straw that pushes them to believe they have nowhere left to turn.

Stand for Truth, Not Manipulation

Abuse is not invented. It is endured. It is survived. And when someone finally speaks out, the worst thing you can do is turn your back on them.

If you know someone who has spoken about their experience, listen. Support them. Be the reason they feel seen, not the reason they feel abandoned.

Because silence and indifference don’t just hurt. They kill.