The Unseen Burden of Abuse Survivors: A Cry for Help That Should Never Be Ignored
The idea that abuse survivors should simply “get on with it” or “move on” is not only a cruel dismissal of their reality, but it’s also a dangerous minimization of the physical, emotional, and psychological toll that abuse takes. Abuse isn’t a chapter that can just be closed; it’s an ongoing struggle that affects every aspect of a person’s life. It is not easy, and it is not something anyone chooses.
No survivor of abuse ever wakes up and says, “Today, I will spend my time in police stations, filing abuse reports.” No one who is already fighting to survive, who is battling to hold their life together, wakes up and decides to face the overwhelming stress of giving evidence in court, exposing themselves and their trauma to a system that can often be indifferent or hostile. The idea that a survivor is simply looking for a way to “win” or “get even” is not only misguided but harmful. For many, the decision to step forward and seek justice isn’t a choice—it’s a last resort. A desperate attempt to stop the cycle of abuse that has already drained every ounce of their strength.
For many survivors, the energy it takes to survive each day is all-consuming. They are often living on the edge, trying to hold onto their mental health while dealing with the aftermath of trauma. They are already navigating the heavy burden of emotional and physical scars. They may be struggling financially, receiving minimal support from their social circle or community, and most likely fighting a system that is slow and often dismissive of their pain. Many abuse survivors are on medication, trying to cope with the emotional and psychological wounds inflicted by years—sometimes decades—of abuse. They visit doctors, psychologists, and social workers, trying to piece their lives back together, while often feeling invisible and unheard.
The notion that someone would choose to put themselves through the trauma of recounting their abuse in court, or exposing themselves to further scrutiny, when they are already barely holding things together, is beyond comprehension for those who haven’t lived through it. For survivors, these actions are not choices—they are a necessary step, but one that they undertake only out of sheer necessity, in the hope that they can regain some sense of control over their lives and stop the cycle of abuse that continues to haunt them.
To minimize abuse, to suggest that survivors should just move on, to side with the abuser, is to add insult to injury. It’s a cruel denial of the reality that so many people face. It’s a failure to acknowledge the immense emotional and psychological toll that abuse takes on its victims. And it’s a dangerous mindset that leads to more victims being silenced, ignored, and left to suffer in silence. Survivors are often not just fighting for themselves—they are fighting to protect others from experiencing the same torment.
The victim is never the one who “wants to be in the spotlight.” They are not the ones seeking attention or drama. They are surviving, and sometimes, survival is the only thing they can do. They are often too emotionally and physically drained to take on the enormous weight of court cases, police reports, and legal battles. But when they do, it is because they have been driven to a breaking point, and they have nowhere else to turn. That’s when they need support, not judgment.
Always listen to both sides, but never, ever ignore the real victim. Their pain is real, their struggle is real, and their courage to speak out should never be dismissed. Sometimes, it may be their final conversation, a last plea for help that could be the difference between life and death. When a survivor reaches out, they are not looking for sympathy—they are looking for validation, for understanding, for someone to take their pain seriously. Ignoring that cry for help could very well be the last mistake you ever make.
Too many abuse survivors have been silenced, either because they’ve been told their pain doesn’t matter, or because their abusers have manipulated the system, turning the truth on its head. But the truth is undeniable: abuse is real, it is devastating, and it affects every part of a survivor’s life. Survivors need to be heard, they need to be believed, and they need to be supported in their journey to healing.
The emotional, physical, and psychological scars of abuse do not simply fade with time. Survivors are not just “getting over it.” They are battling every day to hold themselves together, to move forward, to rebuild their lives in a world that often fails to see their pain. We must do better. We must listen, we must believe, and we must support the survivors who are out there, desperately trying to rebuild their lives, one step at a time.
Reach out, listen, and never, ever dismiss the real victim. When someone speaks out, it could be their last chance to be heard. Let’s be the ones who listen. Let’s be the ones who stand by their side. We can all make a difference in someone’s life—and that difference could be life-saving.
