The Silent Support of Abuse: When the Family Turns a Blind Eye
Living with the silent complicity of an abuser’s family can be one of the most isolating aspects of enduring emotional and psychological abuse. Often, those who should offer support instead become a mirror reflecting back the same manipulation, gaslighting, and denial. As if the abuse itself isn’t enough, the response from the abuser’s family can make you feel even more trapped.
One of the most devastating realizations for any survivor of abuse is that the family of the abuser may not only fail to protect you but may actively make the situation worse. This is something I’ve learned through personal experience. When I finally spoke up, seeking any kind of understanding or support from his family, the response I received was chilling:
“You can either put up with it or not. If not you should leave and go to your daughter’s house! “
So be prepared if you’re the next in line for the abuse—you will get NO support from his family. They will turn it around and it will be your fault.
This is not just a cruel dismissal of my pain—it’s an abdication of any responsibility to address the cycle of abuse. What this statement reveals is a disturbing truth: that even when confronted with the reality of abuse, the focus is not on the victim’s well-being or safety, but on avoiding confrontation, saving face, and placing blame on the survivor. It underscores the isolating, heart-wrenching truth that you may find yourself not only fighting the abuser but the very people who should be standing by your side.
For many of us, this kind of response from family can leave us feeling alone, unheard, and undeserving of compassion. It’s a betrayal that adds layers of trauma to an already deeply painful experience. In such situations, the reality is that the abuser’s family may choose to deny the abuse, protect their own interests, and ultimately side with the abuser—sometimes with a chilling indifference to the hurt they perpetuate.
This kind of inclusion not only captures the emotional complexity of the situation but also shines a light on the often-overlooked dynamic of how family complicity or disregard can further silence victims of abuse.
