The Brutality of Control: When Violence Is Used to Break You
There is a chilling reality that must be understood when it comes to abuse. If an abuser has ever put their hands around your neck, even once, it is a clear indication of their capacity to kill you. 🚨 They are capable of taking your life. 🚨
The danger is not always in the immediate threat but in the underlying truth: abuse escalates. What might start as an isolated incident, an act of rage or “heat of the moment,” is not an accident. It is a deliberate act of control. It is a clear statement of power over you. When someone takes your breath away, when they constrict your throat, they are sending a dangerous message—they have crossed a line, and they know exactly what they are doing.
Too many abusers try to minimize their actions, to convince you it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. They may say, “I didn’t mean to do it” or “It was just in the heat of the moment.” But these excuses are nothing more than manipulation. They are meant to diminish the severity of the violence, to make you doubt your own experience, and to convince you that it wasn’t a deliberate act of control. The truth, however, is far more chilling: it is always deliberate.
When an abuser tries to break your arm and then says, “I didn’t actually break it”, this is another form of minimization, another way of making you question your own reality. They will downplay the pain, the trauma, and the fear they instilled in you. But the act of violence, no matter the severity of the injury, is never an accident. The violence itself is intentional. They may not have broken your arm, but they still tried to.
This is the insidious nature of abuse—it chips away at your sense of safety, your trust, and your belief in your own reality. They wear you down with their gaslighting, their manipulation, and their excuses. And it often takes a long time for the victim to realize that they have been living in a cycle of control, one that could have deadly consequences.
It is important to understand that abuse is not just about physical harm—it is about control. It is about breaking you down emotionally, mentally, and physically. It’s about making you feel powerless, making you doubt your worth, and leaving you isolated and vulnerable. And the cycle always escalates. What starts as pushing and shoving, or holding you down in an argument, can eventually lead to choking, breaking bones, or worse.
Recognizing these behaviors for what they are—the deliberate acts of control and violence—is critical. If someone has ever laid their hands on you in anger, especially around your neck, you need to understand that this is an intentional act of violence, one that can escalate into something much more deadly. It is not just about the physical harm; it is about the message it sends: I have control over you, and I can take it away at any moment.
Breaking free from this cycle is not just about leaving an abusive relationship; it is about recognizing the truth of what you’ve endured. You deserve safety, love, and respect. The abuser’s excuses and manipulations are not your responsibility. What is your responsibility is recognizing that their behavior is unacceptable, dangerous, and, above all, intentional.
No matter what they say, you are not to blame. And you do not have to endure this anymore.
