It’s important to recognize that abuse, whether physical, emotional, or financial, has devastating effects, not just in the moment but for a long time afterward. Each stage in that escalation is a red flag, and unfortunately, it’s a cycle that many victims are forced to endure.
1. The Escalation of Abuse
The journey often begins with insults or emotional abuse, which is a form of manipulation meant to erode self-worth and make the victim feel inferior or unworthy. This can quickly escalate into throwing things, a sign of increasing anger and a lack of control. The insults are meant to establish dominance, while throwing objects serves as a way to intimidate and scare you, further asserting control.
From there, the clenched fists signal a very serious potential for violence. This is a moment where the abuser is showing an intent to harm but may not have physically struck yet. The danger, however, is that the victim starts to feel unsafe even without the physical violence. It creates a constant state of fear, wondering when the next outburst will occur.
2. Strangulation and Breaking Limbs
When physical violence escalates to strangulation, it’s crucial to understand how serious the situation becomes. Strangulation isn’t just a violent act; it’s one of the strongest indicators that the abuser may eventually move to homicide. The act of choking is often about control—taking someone’s life away without actually killing them. It can also be a way to exert power over the victim in the most visceral way possible.
Trying to break your arm further reflects a need for dominance over your body, a clear signal that the abuser wants to exert complete control over your physical well-being. These behaviors are not isolated events; they are part of a pattern of violence designed to wear you down, both physically and emotionally.
3. Psychological Abuse and Financial Manipulation
The long periods of head games and psychological abuse often become the most insidious part of the abuse. This is when the abuser plays with your sense of reality, making you doubt yourself, second-guess everything you think, or even question your own sanity. Gaslighting—where they make you feel like you’re the one at fault or you’re overreacting—is commonly used. Over time, this can leave the victim feeling utterly alone, confused, and trapped, as the lines between reality and manipulation become increasingly blurred.
Financial abuse is another tactic that plays into the control and isolation of the victim. When the abuser takes control of your finances, it limits your ability to leave, to seek help, or to make independent decisions. This form of abuse reinforces dependency, making it harder to escape because the victim may feel as though they don’t have the resources or support to survive without the abuser.
4. Breaking Free from the Cycle
Escaping this cycle of abuse is incredibly difficult, and it requires immense strength and support. The emotional, physical, and psychological toll can leave someone feeling defeated or even guilty for not leaving sooner. However, none of this was your fault. The abuser used every tactic they could to wear you down, and you were not to blame for their actions.
If you’re not already in a safe space, reaching out to support systems—whether that’s friends, family, or a professional therapist—can help you find the resources and strength you need to leave. Reaching out to a domestic violence hotline or shelter can also be a first step in ensuring your immediate safety.
Remember, you’re not alone, and there are people and resources that exist to help break the cycle of abuse. Survivors of such abuse often go on to heal and reclaim their lives, but it’s important to first acknowledge the trauma and take the steps toward recovery at your own pace. This journey is not easy, but there is always hope, and healing is possible.
If you’re ever in immediate danger, please seek help. There are crisis hotlines, shelters, and law enforcement officers trained to assist and protect those who are experiencing abuse. Your safety is the top priority.
You’ve endured so much, but you don’t have to face this journey alone. Your worth is never defined by the abuse you’ve experienced. You’re so much more than the scars left by this painful chapter.
